Writing Wedding Vows-How Compatible Are You Anyway?

When I give my seminars for writing your own personal wedding vows, I take it as a success if a couple decides that they are not compatible enough to follow through with their wedding.

Truthfully, it hasn’t happened yet, but it could and is probably only a matter of time.

What I want to share with you today is some material I heard from a marriage coach on a TV show that I listened in on too late to get everything. She was talking about the 7 questions to ask yourselves when it comes to whether or not you are compatible.

I only got 5. But these five are still very important. Here they are:

1. Have I set my own separate identity? Do you have other friends and activities outside the relationship that give you a strong sense of self. Times have changed. It used to be that a woman married her husband and took on his identity and his dreams and goals. It’s vastly different these days.
2. Are your financial personalities compatible? How do you handle money? Is one of you a spender and the other a saver? How do you handle debt? Who pays the bills? All these are questions that should be answered early on.
3. What are your goals and your career aspirations? Do you both want children? Will someone stay home with them? Who? If the opportunity came up would you move somewhere else if you didn’t know anyone there?
4. What are your spiritual needs? What is the role of religion in your life?
5. Are your ideas of fun compatible? Does your partner like physical activities like backpacking and you would rather go to the movies? Is your partner a sportsaholic and you don’t care who is playing what or where or when? Does you partner like to engage in activities like golf but you aren’t interested.

That’s the end of my notes. I’m going to add two of my own. These are questions that I have my couples spend some time with at the seminars and when getting ready to write their own personal wedding or marriage or commitment.

6. What are your values? Values are more than not lying and cheating. Some of them you will have covered in the above questions. Here are a few to think about: money, sex, self acceptance, religion and spirituality, competition, community, extended family, team work, knwledge, loyalty, beauty, philanthropy, etc. On a score of 1-10, how do you rate the importance of each topic?

Here is a quote from the 10 Commandments of Marriage: Commandment #1-Honor Yourself- “When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust other people, your partner, and the universe at large. it’s the basis for everything else that defines your life.” (Go to the wedding vow eBook page link and follow the link for a totally free copy of 10 Commandments or go to www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com )

7. What makes you come alive? What do you love? Here’s a quote by Howard Thurston, “Do not ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and then go out and do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” When you are loving what you do then life is a whole lot easier.

A lot to chew on, isn’t it? Take it all a bite at a time. Print out this article and then take one question at a time.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it.

www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com