You are going to base writing your wedding or commitment vows on a BHAG, or dream. What you want to do is to infuse this BHAG into every letter, word and phrase and create a huge Law of Attraction in the process.
BHAG stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goals! (I heard a famous and successful person use that term. I love it!) You want to live the most amazing life possible. That won’t happen if you don’t have BHAG’s for your own life and your life together as a couple.
This simple exercise is going to give you an opportunity to let your imagination fly free. Don’t be afraid to dream big. Imagine things that you can’t possibly think will ever come about. In the imagining of a thing is the potential for it’s success.
You could begin to fill in the blanks some evening over dinner and make it an ongoing monthly event. Just imagine how this can open up conversation about the impossible becoming possible. Above all, have fun with this!
In a notebook (that you can keep) write down the following headings on separate pages and number your page from 1-101:
WHAT WE WANT TO BE
WHAT WE WANT TO DO
WHAT WE WANT TO HAVE.
Why 101? No reason except it’s out of the box. Most people use 100. You can use 115, or 155, or 205. You choose.
You are not trying to fill up your notebook in one sitting. Start by entering as much as you can think of. Then be aware when new ideas come up. You might carry a small notebook and jot them down as you are aware of them. Then transfer them to your ‘big’ idea book!
Title your notebook: “____ and ___ Big Hairy Audacious Goal Book.”
Remember this is not about practicality, it’s about thinking out of the box.
Include physical, mental and spiritual aspects.
Again, everything and anything is possible so let your imagination soar. You are stretching your believability arms.
You are going for BHAG’s! Not you everyday garden variety.
If your intention is clear and you’re passionately involved in your vision, the means for achieving it will come to you. The how-to’s will simply begin to manifest in ways more magnificent than you can imagine.
Write your vows to support the dreams that you wrote. Include a line something like this: “I promise to always dream with you and imagine big goals.”
Then, of course, keep reading and reading those vows over and over and over. You will begin to see those ‘impossible’ people, places, things, ideas, situations, experiences and opportunities show up in magical and mystical ways.
THINK BIG!!
(Use this exercise for your own personal life as well as the life of your marriage.)
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Linda Bardes is a non-traditional minister who refers to herself as The Wedding Vow Coach. She has an unusual and innovative perspective around the importance of writing personal wedding or commitment vows. http://www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies
A beautiful marriage or partnership doesn’t just happen. However, if you attend to the little things you will not have to ‘work hard’ at your relationship. It will keep going and going and going, with just a little course correction now and then. Your potential is in your vows!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Writing Wedding Vows--3 Ways to Keep Them Going and Going and Going
If you think that writing your personal wedding or commitment vows and then pledging those vows at your ceremony is the end of them, think again. The power in your vows is partly in the writing, partly in the pledging, and even more importantly in keeping them alive.
Here are 3 ways you can keep your vows in front of you and active.
1. Reread those vows every single day.
2. Once a month sit down together to review the previous month.
3. Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage
If you take little steps to keep things alive and thriving, passionate and intimate, you will not get to the point of no return, or hard work, or struggle to make things work.
You see, I contribute much of the problems with relationships to the belief that marriage takes hard work.
What if the truth is that a little attention on an ongoing basis is the best recipe for a fantastic and fabulous marriage and relationship?
What you are going to do is to continue to reinforce the dream you have for your life together.
By keeping those vows in front of you, you are actually writing a strong life operating system.
You are going to make that dream so alive that you will automatically be drawn to those things, people, opportunities, experiences and ideas that support the dream that you took time to write down as vows.
Read your vows every day. Laminate 2 copies of your vows. This way they won’t wear out.
Here are some ways to make reading your vows a habit:
* Read your vows by yourself every night before going to bed. That way you ’sleep’ on them and infuse them into your dreams.
* Read your vows by yourself every morning before going off to work. This is a great way to start your day.
* Read your vows together every night or every morning.
* If you read your vows by yourself then at least once or twice a month read them together. This opens the opportunity for meaningful conversation. Your challenges will never get away on you if you do this.
Once a month sit down and review the previous month.
If you read your vows together every day this will pretty much take care of itself. However, you might still choose to have a monthly check-in.
Choose a specific night each month and stick to it. You might have a list of questions that you answer.
Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage.
You can print out a copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage on the WeddingVowsandCeremonies web site.
Post them in a place where you can see them often as an in-your-face reminder.
They are simple practical and easy to follow suggestions, such as ‘Live with appreciation for all things”–compliment each other often.
Since your personal wedding or commitment vows is the single most important tool that you have in your relationship toolbox, get them out and use them. They may literally save your marriage or partnership.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Here are 3 ways you can keep your vows in front of you and active.
1. Reread those vows every single day.
2. Once a month sit down together to review the previous month.
3. Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage
If you take little steps to keep things alive and thriving, passionate and intimate, you will not get to the point of no return, or hard work, or struggle to make things work.
You see, I contribute much of the problems with relationships to the belief that marriage takes hard work.
What if the truth is that a little attention on an ongoing basis is the best recipe for a fantastic and fabulous marriage and relationship?
What you are going to do is to continue to reinforce the dream you have for your life together.
By keeping those vows in front of you, you are actually writing a strong life operating system.
You are going to make that dream so alive that you will automatically be drawn to those things, people, opportunities, experiences and ideas that support the dream that you took time to write down as vows.
Read your vows every day. Laminate 2 copies of your vows. This way they won’t wear out.
Here are some ways to make reading your vows a habit:
* Read your vows by yourself every night before going to bed. That way you ’sleep’ on them and infuse them into your dreams.
* Read your vows by yourself every morning before going off to work. This is a great way to start your day.
* Read your vows together every night or every morning.
* If you read your vows by yourself then at least once or twice a month read them together. This opens the opportunity for meaningful conversation. Your challenges will never get away on you if you do this.
Once a month sit down and review the previous month.
If you read your vows together every day this will pretty much take care of itself. However, you might still choose to have a monthly check-in.
Choose a specific night each month and stick to it. You might have a list of questions that you answer.
Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage.
You can print out a copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage on the WeddingVowsandCeremonies web site.
Post them in a place where you can see them often as an in-your-face reminder.
They are simple practical and easy to follow suggestions, such as ‘Live with appreciation for all things”–compliment each other often.
Since your personal wedding or commitment vows is the single most important tool that you have in your relationship toolbox, get them out and use them. They may literally save your marriage or partnership.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Friday, November 14, 2008
Writing Wedding Vows--What the Buddha Knows That You Don't
A quote from the Buddha came across my desk today and immediately I thought about writing personal wedding and commitment vows because what I have been trying to get through to everyone who reads my articles is this: Your thinking creates your reality!
This one discovery is the basis for my innovative philosophy around writing personal and unique wedding, marriage, commitment or life vows.
Here’s how the Buddha put it: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world.”
When I ask you to sit down together and talk consciously and deliberately about the life you want to live as a married couple, I am asking you to put into words exactly what it is that you want to experience in your marriage and your world.
Then I counsel you to write your vows as the promises you make to each other describing what you are willing to do to make that dream a reality.
I ask you to talk about money and sex, children, family, careers, friends, houses, cars, travel, etc. I ask you to do that so you have to actually look at what you want in your life and create a strong intention or mental picture.
You may think you know what you want but the truth is you really don’t because you drag, carry, and bring along all your old patterns, habits and thoughts.
By sitting down together and writing your own vows after consciously building a clear and focused dream for your life and the life of your marriage or partnership, you are ‘making your world with your thoughts‘ and doing it deliberately.
Deliberately, is the word.
When you craft a vision or dream deliberately you actually paint pictures in your mind. Those pictures have color, depth, sound, smell, touch and substance. When your pictures–your thoughts–are strong enough they become a magnet!
Here’s an important fact for you: Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
Your subconscious mind is that aspect of your body/mind that acts without thinking. It just does. It takes what has been programmed by our parents, extended family, culture, personal experiences, and religion, and goes about making that true. We don’t think about it we just do it.
When you take the time to sit down together and consciously and deliberately talk about the dream you have for your life and your marriage and then write it down, you are saying to Higher Power:
“Here’s the picture, here’s what we want, now go out and find things, people, experiences and ideas that match, thank you very much!”
Then when you are exposed to what matches you have the eyes and senses to recognize it.
You are ‘living the dream.’ And you didn’t even have to work hard at it.
You just had to keep it alive and in front of you.
* Reread your vows once every day.
* Do little things for each other.
* Say ‘thank you’ to each other at least once a day.
* Say ‘I love you’ every day.
* Never go to bed angry.
Let’s paraphrase what the Buddha said:
“Everything that shows up in our lives we put there. With a strong vision and powerful vows we make a world of our choice!”
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Rev. Linda Bardes is known as The Wedding Vow Coach. She has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding or commitment vows. You can read about her Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS--How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages and Partnerships, on her web site: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
This one discovery is the basis for my innovative philosophy around writing personal and unique wedding, marriage, commitment or life vows.
Here’s how the Buddha put it: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world.”
When I ask you to sit down together and talk consciously and deliberately about the life you want to live as a married couple, I am asking you to put into words exactly what it is that you want to experience in your marriage and your world.
Then I counsel you to write your vows as the promises you make to each other describing what you are willing to do to make that dream a reality.
I ask you to talk about money and sex, children, family, careers, friends, houses, cars, travel, etc. I ask you to do that so you have to actually look at what you want in your life and create a strong intention or mental picture.
You may think you know what you want but the truth is you really don’t because you drag, carry, and bring along all your old patterns, habits and thoughts.
By sitting down together and writing your own vows after consciously building a clear and focused dream for your life and the life of your marriage or partnership, you are ‘making your world with your thoughts‘ and doing it deliberately.
Deliberately, is the word.
When you craft a vision or dream deliberately you actually paint pictures in your mind. Those pictures have color, depth, sound, smell, touch and substance. When your pictures–your thoughts–are strong enough they become a magnet!
Here’s an important fact for you: Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
Your subconscious mind is that aspect of your body/mind that acts without thinking. It just does. It takes what has been programmed by our parents, extended family, culture, personal experiences, and religion, and goes about making that true. We don’t think about it we just do it.
When you take the time to sit down together and consciously and deliberately talk about the dream you have for your life and your marriage and then write it down, you are saying to Higher Power:
“Here’s the picture, here’s what we want, now go out and find things, people, experiences and ideas that match, thank you very much!”
Then when you are exposed to what matches you have the eyes and senses to recognize it.
You are ‘living the dream.’ And you didn’t even have to work hard at it.
You just had to keep it alive and in front of you.
* Reread your vows once every day.
* Do little things for each other.
* Say ‘thank you’ to each other at least once a day.
* Say ‘I love you’ every day.
* Never go to bed angry.
Let’s paraphrase what the Buddha said:
“Everything that shows up in our lives we put there. With a strong vision and powerful vows we make a world of our choice!”
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Rev. Linda Bardes is known as The Wedding Vow Coach. She has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding or commitment vows. You can read about her Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS--How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages and Partnerships, on her web site: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Writing Wedding Vows--No Guts, No Glory!
Writing personal wedding or commitment vows the way I suggest that you do, by sitting down together in inspired and conscious conversation, infusing the dream you have for yourself and for your life together into the vows, may take an act of courage.
Since I ask you to look at various aspects of your life together honestly and courageously as part of the process of writing your own vows, many of you most likely will have to step out of your comfort zone.
It will take courage (guts) to look at your life as you want it to be or as you imagine it to be. That’s what I call ‘the dream.’
Courage!
Maybe more people do not take the time to get clear about their life together, about their goals and what they want out of life because they are afraid that they are not actually compatible in the long run.
* They want different things
* Their values are not in alignment (She love to travel, he wants to sit home and watch sports.)
Courage!
ou will not be able to create a substantial and strong vision, or dream for your marriage if you don’t actually sit down and talk about your life together.That’s what writing wedding vows are all about: the opportunity of a lifetime!
Courage!
I want you to sit down together in conscious and inspired conversation and talk about careers, children, sex, money, in-laws, religion and spirituality, values, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.
Get your thoughts down on paper where you have to look at them.
Courage!
You HAVE to talk about what you want. You have to get a sense if in the long term you both are on the same page.
* Do you both want the same things.
* Are your values in alignment
* Are your goals compatible
* Do your lifestyles support each other
If the match is really not there you can recognize it and talk about it. You can plan on how to create that compatibility, because you can; or you may realize that sex is all that holds you together and walk away.
Courage!
No guts, no glory!!!
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Since I ask you to look at various aspects of your life together honestly and courageously as part of the process of writing your own vows, many of you most likely will have to step out of your comfort zone.
It will take courage (guts) to look at your life as you want it to be or as you imagine it to be. That’s what I call ‘the dream.’
Courage!
Maybe more people do not take the time to get clear about their life together, about their goals and what they want out of life because they are afraid that they are not actually compatible in the long run.
* They want different things
* Their values are not in alignment (She love to travel, he wants to sit home and watch sports.)
Courage!
ou will not be able to create a substantial and strong vision, or dream for your marriage if you don’t actually sit down and talk about your life together.That’s what writing wedding vows are all about: the opportunity of a lifetime!
Courage!
I want you to sit down together in conscious and inspired conversation and talk about careers, children, sex, money, in-laws, religion and spirituality, values, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.
Get your thoughts down on paper where you have to look at them.
Courage!
You HAVE to talk about what you want. You have to get a sense if in the long term you both are on the same page.
* Do you both want the same things.
* Are your values in alignment
* Are your goals compatible
* Do your lifestyles support each other
If the match is really not there you can recognize it and talk about it. You can plan on how to create that compatibility, because you can; or you may realize that sex is all that holds you together and walk away.
Courage!
No guts, no glory!!!
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Friday, November 7, 2008
Writing Wedding Vows--Dogs Can Teach Us What About Marriage?
Writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows can be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity if you take the experience seriously and write your vows as though your married life depended on it. Because it very possibly could.
Since half of all first time marriages end in divorce, you’ve got to do everything you can to create an atmosphere of fun, trust, intimacy, and growth without making it hard or difficult.
Because we don’t have time to do things the ‘hard way.’
Infuse the dream you have for your life into your vows. Then write down and promise what you will do to keep those vows alive and thriving and growing.
You can use many resources to find ways to script those vows. I gave you 10 in the 10 Commandments of Marriage and here I offer you many more examples for you to build inspiration and truth from.
The source comes from a veternarian. The name didn’t come through the resource where I found it so I can’t give credit where it is due.
There is a short story behind it though. It seems that the beloved dog of a family with a young son had to be euthanized. The parents were concerned that the boy would be traumatized by the event. They tried to console the boy by telling him that they didn’t know why the dog had to die but that there was a reason and they couldn’t know what it was.
The young son already had it figured out, and announced, “I know why.”
His explanation was pure simplicity. He said: “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life—like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”
The veterinarian who cared for this dear family pet, offered some other lessons that dogs can teach us:
* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Dogs treat us like celebrities when we come home. There’s nothing wrong with showing people that we care about them.
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. On warm days, there’s nothing wrong with stopping to lie on your back on the grass. I think of Richard Gere’s character in the movie Pretty Woman. He was so busy working—doing big business deals—that he never stopped to enjoy walking barefoot in green grass until Julia Roberts showed him.
* Take naps. Many of us are on overload, so in life you have to know when to throttle up and throttle down. If you can’t take a nap, at least take a break. It will improve your disposition.
* Run, romp, and play daily. If you have a chance to have fun, go for it. Life presents plenty of difficult times, and we all need a break every now and then. My motto: work hard and play hard.
* Let people touch you. Don’t be aloof. Allow people to get close to you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. Just make sure your bark isn’t as bad as your bite. It’s okay to warn people that you’re upset or even angry, but keep your temper in check.
* When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Happiness is the American way. After all, the Declaration of Independence says we are endowed “with certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” So we have a right to be happy!
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Exercise is always good. I’ve been doing it all my life. It just makes me feel better, gives me energy to work more productively and, I hope, live longer. My philosophy is: Exercise doesn’t take time; it makes time.
* Be loyal. In a recent column about loyalty, I wrote that one of the first qualities that I look for in both employees and friends is loyalty. And my friends know they can expect my loyalty in return.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. I’m constantly asked what the secret of success is, and persistence is at the top of the list. When you study truly successful people, you’ll see that they have made plenty of mistakes, but when they were knocked down, they kept getting up … and up … and up.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. People remember two things in life—who kicked them when they were down, and who helped them on the way up.
You might write something like this into your vows: “I promise to pay attention to what nature and animals have to teach us about love and acceptance and use what I learn.”
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Linda Bardes has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding and commitment vows. She believes that if a couple takes a little time to get very clear about the dream they have for their marriage, then write their vows as promises based on that dream, they have created the most important tool they can ever have in their marriage or relationship toolbox. See her website for more information and to get a FREE copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage.
Since half of all first time marriages end in divorce, you’ve got to do everything you can to create an atmosphere of fun, trust, intimacy, and growth without making it hard or difficult.
Because we don’t have time to do things the ‘hard way.’
Infuse the dream you have for your life into your vows. Then write down and promise what you will do to keep those vows alive and thriving and growing.
You can use many resources to find ways to script those vows. I gave you 10 in the 10 Commandments of Marriage and here I offer you many more examples for you to build inspiration and truth from.
The source comes from a veternarian. The name didn’t come through the resource where I found it so I can’t give credit where it is due.
There is a short story behind it though. It seems that the beloved dog of a family with a young son had to be euthanized. The parents were concerned that the boy would be traumatized by the event. They tried to console the boy by telling him that they didn’t know why the dog had to die but that there was a reason and they couldn’t know what it was.
The young son already had it figured out, and announced, “I know why.”
His explanation was pure simplicity. He said: “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life—like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”
The veterinarian who cared for this dear family pet, offered some other lessons that dogs can teach us:
* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Dogs treat us like celebrities when we come home. There’s nothing wrong with showing people that we care about them.
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. On warm days, there’s nothing wrong with stopping to lie on your back on the grass. I think of Richard Gere’s character in the movie Pretty Woman. He was so busy working—doing big business deals—that he never stopped to enjoy walking barefoot in green grass until Julia Roberts showed him.
* Take naps. Many of us are on overload, so in life you have to know when to throttle up and throttle down. If you can’t take a nap, at least take a break. It will improve your disposition.
* Run, romp, and play daily. If you have a chance to have fun, go for it. Life presents plenty of difficult times, and we all need a break every now and then. My motto: work hard and play hard.
* Let people touch you. Don’t be aloof. Allow people to get close to you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. Just make sure your bark isn’t as bad as your bite. It’s okay to warn people that you’re upset or even angry, but keep your temper in check.
* When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Happiness is the American way. After all, the Declaration of Independence says we are endowed “with certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” So we have a right to be happy!
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Exercise is always good. I’ve been doing it all my life. It just makes me feel better, gives me energy to work more productively and, I hope, live longer. My philosophy is: Exercise doesn’t take time; it makes time.
* Be loyal. In a recent column about loyalty, I wrote that one of the first qualities that I look for in both employees and friends is loyalty. And my friends know they can expect my loyalty in return.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. I’m constantly asked what the secret of success is, and persistence is at the top of the list. When you study truly successful people, you’ll see that they have made plenty of mistakes, but when they were knocked down, they kept getting up … and up … and up.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. People remember two things in life—who kicked them when they were down, and who helped them on the way up.
You might write something like this into your vows: “I promise to pay attention to what nature and animals have to teach us about love and acceptance and use what I learn.”
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Linda Bardes has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding and commitment vows. She believes that if a couple takes a little time to get very clear about the dream they have for their marriage, then write their vows as promises based on that dream, they have created the most important tool they can ever have in their marriage or relationship toolbox. See her website for more information and to get a FREE copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Writing Wedding Vows--What Makes You Come Alive?
In my wedding vow and LifeVows one day events, I ask couples and individuals to answer three very important questions before writing their personal vows? The one I want to talk about right now is this one: “What makes you come alive?”
Too often one or the other of the couples will think that at some time an activity, career, or passion has to be abandoned.
While the premise might seem to be valid, due to circumstances, I want you to rethink that because if there is something in your life that has given you great passion and aliveness, driven your life on some gut level, and you give it up, you withdraw a spark and an energy that was a contributing element in your relationship.
And this is not good!
Let me tell you about a man I met today, which is what made me decide to write this article. His name is, well I’m not going to tell you so let’s just call him Jon. He’s from another country and played with a very well known rock band. I even looked it up on the Internet. This band is hot all over the world!
He fell in love with the American singer in the band, married her and moved to this country.
He has given up his career as a rock musician. I asked him whether or not he is going to see about finding another band. He said that now that he was married that wouldn’t work. He was going to ‘give up music.’
I suggested that there might be another way to channel that music and he replied to me that a baby was coming and then there would be no time, and no money to purchase musical ‘things.’ (You can see right there that I don’t know a whole lot about music.)
What I do know about is that as he withdraws his musical life and his passion for it, even if it is a legitimate exchange, he is going to bury, cut off, and supress a part of himself that is like breathing.
It is a chamber of his beating heart stuffed full of cotton!
His marriage and his child is going to suffer because the more he tries to hold that energy, that love, that passion in, the more he will become distant and unhappy.
So then, the message I have for you today about writing personal wedding vows is that when you ask yourself and each other the question: “What makes me (you) come alive” and you answer that, you must discuss how that will remain part of your lives.
I want you to write something like this into your vows: “I promise that I will encourage you to follow your passion; to help you find ways to integrate it into your life and the life of our marriage so that you will never lose your connection to yourself and your source.”
If you are reading this and you are already married make sure that you do not allow your partner to let go or break away from something that gives him or her great joy, passion and purpose. Everyone will lose.
You MUST find a way to ensure that whatever it is that makes each of you come alive will always be a part of your lives in some way.
It is true that it might have to shift gears and go in a different direction. My friend is probably reasoning rightly that at this time in his life his family is more important than playing with a band that travels all over the world.
That doesn’t mean that he can’t redirect that passion. If I have the occasion to talk to him again and the opportunity would come up I would say to him, “Block out at least 1-2 hours every week to engage in your music. Just put the word out into the Universe, ask your Higher Power, to help you find a way that will satisfy your passion.
Then watch for the ways that your desire will be fulfilled, because it will, if you are awake and aware.
It isn’t selfish.
Your marriage, your partnership and your family will benefit in untold ways by allowing that life force to flow free.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Rev. Linda Bardes is a non traditional minister with a unique and innovate philosophy about why a couple must write their own wedding or commitment vows. You can read more at her web site and on her blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
Too often one or the other of the couples will think that at some time an activity, career, or passion has to be abandoned.
While the premise might seem to be valid, due to circumstances, I want you to rethink that because if there is something in your life that has given you great passion and aliveness, driven your life on some gut level, and you give it up, you withdraw a spark and an energy that was a contributing element in your relationship.
And this is not good!
Let me tell you about a man I met today, which is what made me decide to write this article. His name is, well I’m not going to tell you so let’s just call him Jon. He’s from another country and played with a very well known rock band. I even looked it up on the Internet. This band is hot all over the world!
He fell in love with the American singer in the band, married her and moved to this country.
He has given up his career as a rock musician. I asked him whether or not he is going to see about finding another band. He said that now that he was married that wouldn’t work. He was going to ‘give up music.’
I suggested that there might be another way to channel that music and he replied to me that a baby was coming and then there would be no time, and no money to purchase musical ‘things.’ (You can see right there that I don’t know a whole lot about music.)
What I do know about is that as he withdraws his musical life and his passion for it, even if it is a legitimate exchange, he is going to bury, cut off, and supress a part of himself that is like breathing.
It is a chamber of his beating heart stuffed full of cotton!
His marriage and his child is going to suffer because the more he tries to hold that energy, that love, that passion in, the more he will become distant and unhappy.
So then, the message I have for you today about writing personal wedding vows is that when you ask yourself and each other the question: “What makes me (you) come alive” and you answer that, you must discuss how that will remain part of your lives.
I want you to write something like this into your vows: “I promise that I will encourage you to follow your passion; to help you find ways to integrate it into your life and the life of our marriage so that you will never lose your connection to yourself and your source.”
If you are reading this and you are already married make sure that you do not allow your partner to let go or break away from something that gives him or her great joy, passion and purpose. Everyone will lose.
You MUST find a way to ensure that whatever it is that makes each of you come alive will always be a part of your lives in some way.
It is true that it might have to shift gears and go in a different direction. My friend is probably reasoning rightly that at this time in his life his family is more important than playing with a band that travels all over the world.
That doesn’t mean that he can’t redirect that passion. If I have the occasion to talk to him again and the opportunity would come up I would say to him, “Block out at least 1-2 hours every week to engage in your music. Just put the word out into the Universe, ask your Higher Power, to help you find a way that will satisfy your passion.
Then watch for the ways that your desire will be fulfilled, because it will, if you are awake and aware.
It isn’t selfish.
Your marriage, your partnership and your family will benefit in untold ways by allowing that life force to flow free.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!
Rev. Linda Bardes is a non traditional minister with a unique and innovate philosophy about why a couple must write their own wedding or commitment vows. You can read more at her web site and on her blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com
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