Writing Wedding Vows--What Makes You Come Alive?

In my wedding vow and LifeVows one day events, I ask couples and individuals to answer three very important questions before writing their personal vows? The one I want to talk about right now is this one: “What makes you come alive?”

Too often one or the other of the couples will think that at some time an activity, career, or passion has to be abandoned.

While the premise might seem to be valid, due to circumstances, I want you to rethink that because if there is something in your life that has given you great passion and aliveness, driven your life on some gut level, and you give it up, you withdraw a spark and an energy that was a contributing element in your relationship.
And this is not good!

Let me tell you about a man I met today, which is what made me decide to write this article. His name is, well I’m not going to tell you so let’s just call him Jon. He’s from another country and played with a very well known rock band. I even looked it up on the Internet. This band is hot all over the world!

He fell in love with the American singer in the band, married her and moved to this country.

He has given up his career as a rock musician. I asked him whether or not he is going to see about finding another band. He said that now that he was married that wouldn’t work. He was going to ‘give up music.’

I suggested that there might be another way to channel that music and he replied to me that a baby was coming and then there would be no time, and no money to purchase musical ‘things.’ (You can see right there that I don’t know a whole lot about music.)

What I do know about is that as he withdraws his musical life and his passion for it, even if it is a legitimate exchange, he is going to bury, cut off, and supress a part of himself that is like breathing.

It is a chamber of his beating heart stuffed full of cotton!

His marriage and his child is going to suffer because the more he tries to hold that energy, that love, that passion in, the more he will become distant and unhappy.

So then, the message I have for you today about writing personal wedding vows is that when you ask yourself and each other the question: “What makes me (you) come alive” and you answer that, you must discuss how that will remain part of your lives.

I want you to write something like this into your vows: “I promise that I will encourage you to follow your passion; to help you find ways to integrate it into your life and the life of our marriage so that you will never lose your connection to yourself and your source.”

If you are reading this and you are already married make sure that you do not allow your partner to let go or break away from something that gives him or her great joy, passion and purpose. Everyone will lose.

You MUST find a way to ensure that whatever it is that makes each of you come alive will always be a part of your lives in some way.

It is true that it might have to shift gears and go in a different direction. My friend is probably reasoning rightly that at this time in his life his family is more important than playing with a band that travels all over the world.

That doesn’t mean that he can’t redirect that passion. If I have the occasion to talk to him again and the opportunity would come up I would say to him, “Block out at least 1-2 hours every week to engage in your music. Just put the word out into the Universe, ask your Higher Power, to help you find a way that will satisfy your passion.

Then watch for the ways that your desire will be fulfilled, because it will, if you are awake and aware.

It isn’t selfish.

Your marriage, your partnership and your family will benefit in untold ways by allowing that life force to flow free.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda Bardes is a non traditional minister with a unique and innovate philosophy about why a couple must write their own wedding or commitment vows. You can read more at her web site and on her blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com