In my wedding ceremonies, before we get to the wedding vows, I talk about the empty box (metaphor for the marriage or partnership) and relate it to a bank account.
This is from one of my wedding ceremonies.
"Binding two people in a spiritual atmosphere of love and trust is what makes this union a marriage. It is indeed a meeting and melding of hearts and lives. That love and trust is sort of like the ribbon that holds the two parts of a gift box together."
And, indeed, marriage is like a box. In order to take anything out of it you must first put something into it.
Another way of putting it is that this box is a kind of spiritual bank account.
Put love, joy, appreciation, compassion and support into the box and it will multiply so that when you need it there is something there to sustain you.
You can’t go to the bank and ask for money if you don’t have anything in your account. You can try but you’re not going to get anything.
It’s the same way with a marriage. If you haven’t put any energy, attention into the marriage, even in little ways, it won’t hold together when there are difficulties or challenges.
Here’s a little more from that ceremony:
Try to fall more head over heels in love with each other every day. Look for even the smallest thing to be grateful and excited about.
Every night before you go to bed and every morning find one thing to be grateful for and tell each other.
One of the 10 Commandments of Marriage is, “Do little things for each other.” All those little things, actions, words, and even thoughts all add up and like money, compound.
Find a way to add a few words to your wedding vows. Here is a suggestion: “I will remember to appreciate you in thought, word and deed, every day and support our marriage by not taking you for granted.”
Leave notes, say ‘thank you,’ ask what you can do to help, touch each other easily and often, say ‘I love you,’ for no reason at all.
Big expressions of love and attention are wonderful but in the long run it’s the little things that build up trust the most.
Just be natural and have fun.
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
Monday, July 28, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wedding Vows Create Emotional and Sexual Intimacy
Last week I went searching for the answer to this question: What are the needs of men and women? I found they were the same.
Both men and women are looking for intimacy.
That's where the similarities end because women went emotional intimacy and men want physical intimacy.
It's a catch 22. Men, without actually saying so, are saying, "Give me sex and you'll get intimacy."
Women are saying, "Give me intimacy and I'll give you sex."
What a situation. But I can help. Your wedding vows, in particular, can help, because if you take time to write meaningful vows in shared conversation that sets the beginning of a pattern that can be sustained.
If you've been reading my blogs or the material on my web site you know that after you have read the vows at your wedding that is not the end of them.
You've got to make them into a Law of Attraction. Meaning that your vows have the potential to draw to you, almost effortlessly, everything you need to live the life of your dreams. That includes ideas, people, things, and experiences.
I'm going to say it again and again: You create a Law of Attraction by rereading your vows over and over and over until they have imprinted themselves into your mind, your body and your life. It's your thinking and your beliefs that create your reality. Reading your vows over and over and over again are a habit well worth cultivating.
Set a copy of your vows next to each bedside table so that each of you can read them, even if only a few lines, every night before you go to sleep. That way they go to work on your subconscious, which is the real attractor factor because your subconscious is like your hard drive and you know that your computer won't do anything that it is not programmed to do.
What you are doing is reprogram your mind to create, to draw to you all the elements of the dream you have for yourself and your marriage, and to recognize them when they show up. You are going to override old patterns and install new ones.
When people ask you how you are you can honestly and with enthusiasm say, "I'm livin' the dream!"
As you live the dream there will be more energy for life, for each other, for the marriage, for everything. Passion soars, intimacy skyrockets and both of you get more what you want easily.
Once a month read those vows together. That opens conversation and builds trust and empathy, and even more intimacy. It also gives you both an opportunity to check in with each other before big problems arise.
Is it really that easy to maintain intimacy and even expand it so both partners get what they need?
Yes and no. Yes if you consciously build a dream into your vows, take them seriously and repeat them until they are installed on your personal operating system.
No, if you don't take them seriously.
I'm not saying that there will never be challenges or problems. What I'm saying is that you will be more equipped to grow through them instead of making them into walls.
There will be more love, more laughter, more emotional intimacy and more sex!
Sounds simple but then I believe that most answers are simple. We tend to try to make them bigger than they are.
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
Both men and women are looking for intimacy.
That's where the similarities end because women went emotional intimacy and men want physical intimacy.
It's a catch 22. Men, without actually saying so, are saying, "Give me sex and you'll get intimacy."
Women are saying, "Give me intimacy and I'll give you sex."
What a situation. But I can help. Your wedding vows, in particular, can help, because if you take time to write meaningful vows in shared conversation that sets the beginning of a pattern that can be sustained.
If you've been reading my blogs or the material on my web site you know that after you have read the vows at your wedding that is not the end of them.
You've got to make them into a Law of Attraction. Meaning that your vows have the potential to draw to you, almost effortlessly, everything you need to live the life of your dreams. That includes ideas, people, things, and experiences.
I'm going to say it again and again: You create a Law of Attraction by rereading your vows over and over and over until they have imprinted themselves into your mind, your body and your life. It's your thinking and your beliefs that create your reality. Reading your vows over and over and over again are a habit well worth cultivating.
Set a copy of your vows next to each bedside table so that each of you can read them, even if only a few lines, every night before you go to sleep. That way they go to work on your subconscious, which is the real attractor factor because your subconscious is like your hard drive and you know that your computer won't do anything that it is not programmed to do.
What you are doing is reprogram your mind to create, to draw to you all the elements of the dream you have for yourself and your marriage, and to recognize them when they show up. You are going to override old patterns and install new ones.
When people ask you how you are you can honestly and with enthusiasm say, "I'm livin' the dream!"
As you live the dream there will be more energy for life, for each other, for the marriage, for everything. Passion soars, intimacy skyrockets and both of you get more what you want easily.
Once a month read those vows together. That opens conversation and builds trust and empathy, and even more intimacy. It also gives you both an opportunity to check in with each other before big problems arise.
Is it really that easy to maintain intimacy and even expand it so both partners get what they need?
Yes and no. Yes if you consciously build a dream into your vows, take them seriously and repeat them until they are installed on your personal operating system.
No, if you don't take them seriously.
I'm not saying that there will never be challenges or problems. What I'm saying is that you will be more equipped to grow through them instead of making them into walls.
There will be more love, more laughter, more emotional intimacy and more sex!
Sounds simple but then I believe that most answers are simple. We tend to try to make them bigger than they are.
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wedding Vows Create Good Marriages
I’m taking a line from Wilfred Peterson’s poem, The Art of Marriage: A good marriage has to be created.
This states my basic philosophy of why a couple must write their own personal wedding vows: You write your own wedding vows to create a vision or a dream for your life together. And for the ‘biggest bang for your buck’ write them in shared conversation!
When a couple writes their own wedding vows together it is a fantastic opportunity to use this highly charged time to begin to craft–consciously and specifically–a good marriage much as one would create a work of art, which is what you want your marriage to be–a work of art!
Only this one you don’t hang on the wall, you’re living it.
Maybe that’s not true. Maybe you do hang a good marriage on the wall. Photographs can tell the true story! They are memories in living color.
By sitting down together and talking about important aspects of your marriage you are directing your thought for the specific purpose of creating a dream, a vision, a beautiful marriage with substance. This has more sticking power than casual conversation.
When you sit down together to engage in crafting a dream for your life together that you will put into the form of wedding vows, some of that dialog can be as specific as the question, “What is your and my idea of what the term, ‘good marriage’ means?
It’s OK to look at what is ‘doesn’t’ mean but don’t spend too much time on this.Use it as a starting point only.
Almost all of our opinion and experience of what a marriage is has been developed by being exposed to parents, grandparents, friends, brothers and sisters, etc. There can be some emotional experiences that you do not want to get too deeply into.
Look at what your experience and exposure has told you didn’t work then say to yourselves, “Ok, I, we, don’t want to do that. Then what do we need to do, to know, to be aware of that is the opposite of what didn’t work?
You’ve most likely also seen couples who had very good marriages. Verbally visit those and try to put into words what the elements were that made up those marriages.
It’s also well worth your time to ask those people how they created such wonderful marriages. If you don’t have time before you write your vows, then do it after the wedding.
In fact, it’s a good habit to keep watching, listening, and inquiring into the habits that comprise strong marriages and apply those examples into your lives.
Define what you believe a good marriage to be, write it down in your vows and pledge to keep working at it until you are living that dream!
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
This states my basic philosophy of why a couple must write their own personal wedding vows: You write your own wedding vows to create a vision or a dream for your life together. And for the ‘biggest bang for your buck’ write them in shared conversation!
When a couple writes their own wedding vows together it is a fantastic opportunity to use this highly charged time to begin to craft–consciously and specifically–a good marriage much as one would create a work of art, which is what you want your marriage to be–a work of art!
Only this one you don’t hang on the wall, you’re living it.
Maybe that’s not true. Maybe you do hang a good marriage on the wall. Photographs can tell the true story! They are memories in living color.
By sitting down together and talking about important aspects of your marriage you are directing your thought for the specific purpose of creating a dream, a vision, a beautiful marriage with substance. This has more sticking power than casual conversation.
When you sit down together to engage in crafting a dream for your life together that you will put into the form of wedding vows, some of that dialog can be as specific as the question, “What is your and my idea of what the term, ‘good marriage’ means?
It’s OK to look at what is ‘doesn’t’ mean but don’t spend too much time on this.Use it as a starting point only.
Almost all of our opinion and experience of what a marriage is has been developed by being exposed to parents, grandparents, friends, brothers and sisters, etc. There can be some emotional experiences that you do not want to get too deeply into.
Look at what your experience and exposure has told you didn’t work then say to yourselves, “Ok, I, we, don’t want to do that. Then what do we need to do, to know, to be aware of that is the opposite of what didn’t work?
You’ve most likely also seen couples who had very good marriages. Verbally visit those and try to put into words what the elements were that made up those marriages.
It’s also well worth your time to ask those people how they created such wonderful marriages. If you don’t have time before you write your vows, then do it after the wedding.
In fact, it’s a good habit to keep watching, listening, and inquiring into the habits that comprise strong marriages and apply those examples into your lives.
Define what you believe a good marriage to be, write it down in your vows and pledge to keep working at it until you are living that dream!
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
Wedding Vows-Never too Late to Hold Hands
One of the things that I sometimes see that cause me to smile and feel very, very glad, is when I see people holding hands.
That simple act seems to speak volumes without one single spoken word. It might be a good idea to promise this in your wedding vows.
Holding hands means you are special to me. It means I forgive you. It means we are partners. It means that we are living in possibilities. It means that we are walking together in life, not in separate directions.
I’m almost considering rewriting the 10 Commandments of Marriage and adding, “Hold hands for one minute every day.”
Just imagine taking 1 minute to reach out and touch each other by making a purposeful connection? Maybe you just stand still somewhere and take each other’s hands and look at each other. I am right now feeling the power in that 1 minute.
That one minute could change everything. It lines both of you up on the same page, or the same promise, or the same dream or however you might want to express it.
That one minute says I love you, I forgive you, I want the best for you, I want the best for us, I want the best for everyone else.
This simple 1 minute connection, if done in the morning could set your entire day in a positive and light way.
What if, for one minute, the entire world held hands? A whistle blew and everyone reached out and took the hand of someone close. What if no one noticed each other’s differences? Just one hand holding another hand. No requirements. Nothing else to do. Just holding hands for 1 minute.
I challenge you. Reach out and hold your partner’s hand for 1 minute today. And one minute tomorrow. And one minute the next day, and the next and the next.
Without one spoken word your life and the world is changed.
Powerful stuff, yes? Remember that your wedding vows are a fabulous vehicle for creating the life you want.
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
That simple act seems to speak volumes without one single spoken word. It might be a good idea to promise this in your wedding vows.
Holding hands means you are special to me. It means I forgive you. It means we are partners. It means that we are living in possibilities. It means that we are walking together in life, not in separate directions.
I’m almost considering rewriting the 10 Commandments of Marriage and adding, “Hold hands for one minute every day.”
Just imagine taking 1 minute to reach out and touch each other by making a purposeful connection? Maybe you just stand still somewhere and take each other’s hands and look at each other. I am right now feeling the power in that 1 minute.
That one minute could change everything. It lines both of you up on the same page, or the same promise, or the same dream or however you might want to express it.
That one minute says I love you, I forgive you, I want the best for you, I want the best for us, I want the best for everyone else.
This simple 1 minute connection, if done in the morning could set your entire day in a positive and light way.
What if, for one minute, the entire world held hands? A whistle blew and everyone reached out and took the hand of someone close. What if no one noticed each other’s differences? Just one hand holding another hand. No requirements. Nothing else to do. Just holding hands for 1 minute.
I challenge you. Reach out and hold your partner’s hand for 1 minute today. And one minute tomorrow. And one minute the next day, and the next and the next.
Without one spoken word your life and the world is changed.
Powerful stuff, yes? Remember that your wedding vows are a fabulous vehicle for creating the life you want.
You can see more blogs and access my Ebook on The Secret Life of Wedding Vows-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com
Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda
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