Writing Wedding Vows-Heading off the Infidelity Problem Before It Happens

Lately I am hearing all sorts of news about the problems with new marriages. This last item was about infidelity. It’s estimated that within the first year anywhere from 20%-50% of couples will have been unfaithful to their partners. The explanation is that this is a cry for help because of intimacy issues! It forces conversation and help.

The best time to talk about infidelity is not after it happens but before it happens, when you are sitting down and in the process of writing your wedding vows. That’s why I put together my innovative and unique perspective around writing wedding or commitment vows.

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY, PASSIONATE AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.

A STRONG INTIMATE MARRIAGE HAS TO BE PLANNED FOR!

It begins by having those intimate talks BEFORE, not after there are problems.

When you know what it is you are working for, have a vision and goals, you have something out in front of you that you can direct your energies to and gather your activities and actions around.

By casually repeating vows you haven’t written yourself, or writing vows by yourself with no conversation, you are squandering the most important and energetic time you will ever have in your life!

If you don’t sit down and consciously and specifically get clear about what it is you want for yourself and for your marriage you have no rudder, no sails, and no wind!

Your dream or vision creates the goals. Those goals are the rudder. The sails are the actions you take to work towards and accomplish those goals and the wind is the passion and intimacy that grows and expands and gets stronger and stronger.

Sit down together and talk about the life you want to create together. Talk about careers, and children, sex and money, family, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.

Talk about it NOW! Not later when there are so many problems that some of them cannot be overcome.

You will have the best chance for happiness if you know what makes you happy and you make plans on how to keep that happiness, intimacy, love and passion alive.You think that because you are infused with energy and passion now it will last all on its own. It may.

But most likely it won’t because there is too much competition for your time and energy these days. You’ve got to craft a dream, a vision, a set of life goals for yourselves, then write your vows promising what you will do to keep that dream alive.

Then keep reading those vows every day.

You CAN have a happy and long life together. But you’ve got to PLAN for it! You begin by writing your wedding or commitment vows TOGETHER IN SHARED CONVERSATION WHERE YOU WRITE DOWN THE DREAM YOU HAVE FOR YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!

Then follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage, which mainly is about doing little things every day to keep it all alive and thriving.

I have a totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marrriage for you. Totally free means that you will not even have to leave your Email address. Because it’s my gift to you! 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

I have an innovative and unique philosophy around writing vows. You can read more about it here: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Life Vows-Give Yourself a Boost of Dopamine

A primary part of my philosophy about writing wedding and commitment vows is that when you are talking about, writing about, pledging, thinking, etc., (7 tools of creation) you are creating a pathway that can be recreated every time you reread your vows.

This is mental science stuff.

In other words, it’s proven! Science has done tests and tests and experiments up one side and down the other.

Now, that is really good news for you. Here’s why.

MRIs reveal that doing something good, like making a donation, or doing something for someone else activates the brain’s reward center–giving you a boost of dopamine, which is a natural drug that makes you feel good.

So, when you help others, the primitve part of your brain lights up to experience pleasure.

OH, boy, don’t you love it.

What’s that got to do with writing wedding or commitment vows, you ask?

Just this. When you sit down together to talk about the dream you have for your life and the dream you have for your marriage, then listen to your partner tell you what it he or she needs you to do to help him or her achieve that dream, you get into a schmushy, mushy, feel-good place.

You have already given before you actually ‘do’ anything. You get that dopamine flowing.

Then, when you reread those vows (remember, your vows are the promises of what you are going to do to keep your relationship and marriage alive and thriving) you go back in time, and once again feel all warm and fuzzy.

This is just one more reason why writing your own vows are so important.

If you haven’t already written your vows go on over to the main web page and pick up a copy of the Secret Ebook. You can do this anytime, even after the ceremony.

Get into the feeling of the dream you have for your life, the life of your partner, and the life of your marriage, get high on expectation and delight, and set a tone, a ’scientific feel-good pattern.’ Then keep it alive.

Dopamine is about feeling personally powerful (as in ‘I can do anything!), connecting to your partner on a heart level, and an intimate level and keeping the dream going and going and going.
Here’s a link to the main web site where you’ll find the 2 for $2 offer.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow and Life Vow Coach
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Helping people live life to the fullest!
Tags: commitment vows, dopamine, life vows, vows, wedding vows