Life Vows-How to Lift Morale or Kill it!

When I was growing up the philosophy about raising children in my family did not subscribe to lifting moral.

It was about criticizing instead of praising.

I suspect that a lot of us grew up that way. If that was the way your family operated that is the behaviors you will bring into your marriage. It’s important for you to be aware of how you point out faults or criticize each other.

It has been proven that the less we criticize and the more we praise, the more cooperative and successful people will become.

Here is a great story that points up why it’s important to praise and say ‘thank you” instead of criticize.

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Writing Wedding Vows–Check Your Communication Skills

I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.

You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.

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Writing Wedding Vows-Lining up Your Sight With Your Vision

When writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows, what you are doing is lining up your sight with your vision. You are going to intentionally begin seeing with new eyes.

Sight is the mechanics of seeing what is out in front of you and taking it in and making judgments based on that information.

Vision is the dream you have for your life together created first in your imagination and then seen it through your eyes.

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Writing Wedding Vows-How to Give the Perfect Smooch!

When writing wedding vows maybe it would be a good idea to promise to ‘practice kissing every day.’ Not just a little peck on the check, or a brush of the lips, but the real endorphin popping smooch!

Because studies on kissing have unlocked the secret behind that perfect smooch. And it begins with the chemistry.

A passionate snog sets off a chain reaction, releasing sexually-charged hormones and pheromones into the brain. The whole brain (and body) is involved.

Psychology professor Wendy Hill, of Lafayette College, Pennsylvania, said: “We tend to think about who we are kissing and how it feels, but there are a lot of other things happening.

“This study shows that kissing is more complex and causes hormonal changes that we never thought occurred.”

Scientific research has led experts to believe pheromones exist in our saliva, giving off unconscious signals that boost human arousal. Which is why we see those women on The Bachelor engaging in passionate kissing a lot.

They know what they are doing. Science is finally catching up and explaining it in rather dull terms but what it’s all about is keeping your relationship alive and passionate and thriving.

This is not a joke. Not by a long shot, because one of the 2 biggest reasons couples give for that 50% divorce rate is sex. Or lack of it.

I’m asking you to be very mindful about those hormones. In a previous article I wrote about how we trigger hormones just by touching and doing little things for each other.

I’m all about using nature to do a lot of the relationship work!

I want you to keep on training your cells to get into the habit of feeling good about each other.

I want you to have such a bond with each other that just being in the same room makes you feel good.

I want you to get so used to doing the little things that the big things take care of themselves.

In the morning going off to work is probably not the best time for that long, wet, passionate kiss. Choose your time. But every day I want you to put into your relationship bank account one big, long, sloppy kiss!

What happens after that is up to you.

Laugh about this article if you want but I’m right on serious about it.

You’ve got to keep the intimacy alive, and you’ve got to be mindful about that. Which is why I say that it’s the little things that will make or break your relationship.

You’ve got to practice, practice, practice the little things until they become the big things and everything else is easily put into perspective and handled when they show up.

Not two months later when there is no touching, no kissing, and you are angry about everything except what you started out being angry about.

Write it into your vows: “I promise to give you a big, sloppy, passionate kiss every day of our life we are together!”

Would you believe it . . . there are kissing schools. You might want to check into it to see if there is something you’ve missed!

Don’t forget to sign up for the RSS feeds to keep on getting all this good stuff. After all, who else is going to tell you that you have to keep on smooching.

Visit the main page to learn more about writing wedding vows if you’re still in the ‘before the ceremony’ planning stage. There’s also good stuff on the Wedding Vow blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Keep on kissing.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows–Don’t Squander Your Dreams on Nay Sayers

If you began by writing your wedding or commitment vows the way I suggest, which is to talk about the dream you have of your life together but stretch your imagination bigger than you ever thought you could, you may find that some of your friends and family will try to keep you down.

They’re what has been called ‘wet blankets,’ ‘nay-sayers,’ and ‘dream eaters.’ They want you to stay like them.

Did you ever get the, “Who do you think you are?” speech growing up. It’s sort of like that.

Here’s a quote that just showed up today in mailbox: “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” Theodore White

You are going to get on top of that right now. One of the areas of your life together to discuss is ‘friends’ and another is ‘family.’ Will your family support your dreams; your own dreams and the dreams you have for your marriage? Are the people you hang with critical, negative or valueless?Some family and friends are just sort of naturally pessimistic and negative. They may not mean anything personal but just being around them is a downer. Guard against them by deciding that you are going to be in charge of what you think and feel.

Talk it out. Be prepared. If you let them own their own stuff you won’t spend time being angry, frustrated, or doubt yourself. Pay attention to how you feel when you are around them.

Take nothing personally. You may have to practice this but it gets easier as you do.

Make a decision that the friends you have in your life are like-minded, share your values, and are supportive. You can release the rest of them to their highest and greatest good. In most cases they will just sort of drift away. No scenes. They just stop showing up.

Your family is another story. But again, decide how you are going to react to anyone in your family who is negative or tries to steal your dreams. You know who they are. They are probably scared, sad, lost or ashamed, never had any dreams or weren’t successful. They will want you to stay the same so they won’t have to look at themselves.

If you already know that cousin Joe is going to find fault with your hopes and dreams, for heavens sake don’t share them with him! Stay in control of your life.

Only share your dreams with those friends and family members that you know are going want the best for you and help you to get it!

Just a reminder. First you write down the dream you have for your lives and the life of your marriage or partnership, then you write your vows promising to do whatever it takes to keep that dream alive. Keep reading those vows even after the ceremony and watch people, things, and ideas show up that support your dreams. That’s the law of the universe!

Another law is that like finds like. If you know who you are, dream strong dreams, stick to them, then others like you will show up. It’s sort of like a magical master mind association!

Learn how to write beautiful, meaningful vows that have the potential to keep going and going and going. Click here.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Life Vows-Give Yourself a Boost of Dopamine

A primary part of my philosophy about writing wedding and commitment vows is that when you are talking about, writing about, pledging, thinking, etc., (7 tools of creation) you are creating a pathway that can be recreated every time you reread your vows.

This is mental science stuff.

In other words, it’s proven! Science has done tests and tests and experiments up one side and down the other.

Now, that is really good news for you. Here’s why.

MRIs reveal that doing something good, like making a donation, or doing something for someone else activates the brain’s reward center–giving you a boost of dopamine, which is a natural drug that makes you feel good.

So, when you help others, the primitve part of your brain lights up to experience pleasure.

OH, boy, don’t you love it.

What’s that got to do with writing wedding or commitment vows, you ask?

Just this. When you sit down together to talk about the dream you have for your life and the dream you have for your marriage, then listen to your partner tell you what it he or she needs you to do to help him or her achieve that dream, you get into a schmushy, mushy, feel-good place.

You have already given before you actually ‘do’ anything. You get that dopamine flowing.

Then, when you reread those vows (remember, your vows are the promises of what you are going to do to keep your relationship and marriage alive and thriving) you go back in time, and once again feel all warm and fuzzy.

This is just one more reason why writing your own vows are so important.

If you haven’t already written your vows go on over to the main web page and pick up a copy of the Secret Ebook. You can do this anytime, even after the ceremony.

Get into the feeling of the dream you have for your life, the life of your partner, and the life of your marriage, get high on expectation and delight, and set a tone, a ’scientific feel-good pattern.’ Then keep it alive.

Dopamine is about feeling personally powerful (as in ‘I can do anything!), connecting to your partner on a heart level, and an intimate level and keeping the dream going and going and going.
Here’s a link to the main web site where you’ll find the 2 for $2 offer.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow and Life Vow Coach
PS: Don’t forget to sign up for the RSS feed to stay on top of new articles.
Helping people live life to the fullest!
Tags: commitment vows, dopamine, life vows, vows, wedding vows

Writing Wedding Vows--Keeping the 'High Watch'

Writing wedding or commitment vows is the opportunity each of you have to talk about the highest and best intentions that you can imagine for yourself and for your partner.

Your vows are the place where you promise to support yourself and your partner in becoming the highest and best each of you can be.

The first of the 10 Commandments of Marriage is Honor Yourself. The second commandment is Honor Each Other.

It may seem strange that the first commandment is about yourself. Yet if you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely.

This trust is the basis for everything else that defines your life and your marriage.

Write this in your wedding vows: “I promise to hold myself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise my values.”

When you stay ‘high’ from living out of your core values and practice doing what makes you come alive, you have more patience, more love, more compassion for everyone including your partner

Here’s a priceless quote from Marianne Williamson:

“Part of working on ourselves, in order to be ready for a profound relationship, is learning how to support another person in being the best that they can be. Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other’s lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves.”

You are meant to access the highest parts of who you are and in the process learn to see the best in your partner.

Constantly strive to expand your capacities for learning, playing, loving, trusting, praying (whatever that means to you) and playing.

The strongest relationship develops when each partner can hold the ‘high watch’ for the other.

This means that when your partner has forgotten who they are, where they are, what they are doing, or where they are going, you remember for them.

You continue to treat them as though they were still present in their fullness.

You continue to see the best in them.

You practice forgiveness!

This may not be easy to do. That’s why it’s important to keep reading your vows over and over and over again.

Every day affirm that you are awake, aware, and living your highest and greatest good.

Write this in your vows and then put it on a card in the present moment so you have to look at it every morning:

“Everyday I will remember to live my life from the highest perspective I can imagine.”

It helps you remember every day who you are, who your partner is, where you are going and how to recognize when you are off the path.

Can you see what an amazing tool writing your own wedding or commitment vows can be? They are your compass, your map, and your course correction.

Look and read them often and you will never get lost; you will be able to continue to see the best in yourself, and the best in your partner.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Linda has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding vows and how to keep living the dream! You can read more at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com.

Be sure to download a copy of the FREE ebook, 30 Minute Miracle. I originally wrote this for people who show up at the web site looking for help but they have only a few days or minutes to write their vows. The phrases, words, poems and other materials are helpful to everyone. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows-The Sneaky Approach

Getting your partner to agree to and participate in writing wedding or commitment vows might seem like a stretch of your imagination but I can give you a way to make writing your vows fun and he/she won’t even know that you are doing it until it’s too late to turn back.

This may be a bit sneaky and shameless but considering that writing your wedding vows can be one of the most important things you can ever to do to ensure the longevity, passion and intimacy of your relationship, I know you want to do everything you can to get this into motion.

Here’s what you are going to do. You and your partner are going to create a vision board!

This is just one of the idea generators you can find in my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages.

A vision board is where you paste pictures and phrases that represent the dreams and goals you each have for yourselves and the dream you have for your marriage. Your vows will reflect those dreams. Maybe we could call your marriage or commitment vows ‘vision vows!’

Because that’s really what your vows are. The more energy in your vows, the more power there is to attract to you everything that you want and need to support your perfect dream.

Start collecting magazines on all sorts of subjects including travel, houses, furniture, family, fitness, etc. Make sure that you have the sort of print media that your partner is interested in. You should know him or her well enough to get the perfect stuff.

You can go to Google and click on ‘Images’ then keyword in what you are looking for, find something you can print out and you have instant images of your life together. Maybe you have phrases in mind. You can print out these also.

Ask your friends for magazines. If you are in a dentist or doctor’s office and the magazines are really old ask if you can have the one that you want.

Get together pictures taken of the two of you doing fun things and pictures that represent the emotional and physical closeness that is the cornerstone of a relationship and marriage.

You will need glue and scissors and poster board or foam board (for longevity). The pictures and words will represent aspects of your life.

Don’t get too bossy or direct the outcome. Just tell your partner that the two of you are going to cut out and glue pictures and words that represent what it is that you want to attract into your life and let the process unfold. Have fun. Don’t be too serious.

When you have finished the board each of you explain to the other the meaning of the pictures and phrases. Between the two of you most subjects will be covered.

Here’s where some of the sneaky stuff comes in. When your partner talks about the meaning of the images and words on the board ask questions to get to the heart of the overall dream for the marriage.

“What does that mean to you? How do you see ‘us’ in that picture?”

“What do you think we can do to make that happen?”

“There are no children in the picture. Don’t you want children?”

“Who will handle the money? How can we share this responsibility so that we are saving to be able to have what we want?”

That will give you some idea. You can come up with your own.

What I am asking you to do is to get to the essence of the dream for your life together.

That dream is what you build into your vows. You wedding vows are not the dream explained; they are the foundation that the vows are build on.

Your vows are for the purpose of making promises to each other explaining what you will do to support the dream.

Now it’s time to tell your partner what you have done.

Use reason here. Don’t get cocky and say something like, “Ha, Ha, I tricked you into telling me your secrets.”

Tell him or her that you want to write vows based around what you just talked about. Get out some paper and then begin to write down those promises. If you can do it right then and there that is best because the emotion and expectations of and for the dream are at their peak.

Here is what you can say: “Let’s write down what we are going to do to keep our dreams alive?”

“I promise to keep myself physically and emotionally healthy for both our sakes.”

“I will love you by encouraging you to be successful in everything you do.”

“I promise to read our vows every day to keep the dream alive and active.”

You can find more helpful phrases in the FREE Ebook, 30 Minute Miracle. I wrote this for couples who don’t have time to use my longer version. It would be helpful for you using this ‘vision board’ process.
There you have it. Your ‘vision vows.’

Was that fun or what!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and live it!

www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows–Tap Into the Sizzle of the Universe

The time around your wedding or commitment ceremony and the writing of your personal vows is the most highly charged time you will ever experience as a couple and you can consciously use it.

What happens is that there is all this energy and creative excitement focused around you and You and YOU! The florist, the caterer, the cake maker, the wedding planner, the wedding attire people, your family, the guests, absolutely everyone is focused on your best life.

This creates an energy that sizzles like an electrical storm. It’s the entire world praying on your behalf with absolutely no doubt of the outcome. Whatever you introduce into this storm is what will get taken up and reproduced in magical and mystical ways. I want you to consciously tap into this spiritual or universal potential. I want you to create strong, powerful personal wedding vows.

Those vows are like a super strong magnet. They become synergistic. That means that 1 + 1 does not equal 2 it equals 11!

There will only be a few times in your life as a couple that will carry the same positive attention and energy of so many people. This highly charged energy can be consciously directed to create a powerful future.

The power and potential that I am talking about comes from sitting down and having a shared conversation about what is important: To the marriage and to each of you individually. Do not go off into corners to write vows and surprise each other. I want you to weave magic by creating a strong and powerful intention and that has to be done together!

When you are mindful about what it is that you want to experience in your relationship and marriage, talk it out, play with it, shape it a bit, and write it into your vows. When you do that your vows become a powerful blueprint or intention for the future. You literally explode the probability of that dream being true.

Since the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is true and what isn’t–science has proven this–your mind and Higher Power goes to work bringing in people, things and experiences that support those powerful desires.

Please . . . do not squander this time.

Write powerful wedding or commitment vows. Dream BIG. Give the Universe something splendid to unfold for you. It’s just waiting for you to choose.

I can help you do that with my guidelines for writing ‘vows that create powerful marriages.” Check out the Secret Life of Wedding Vows.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it.

Writing Wedding Vows–Guidelines for Keeping Intimacy Alive and Well

This is a post about writing wedding vows. But it’s also a post about keeping intimacy alive. Because intimacy is the emotional ‘glue’ that keeps a relationship fresh, and sizzling. Writing personal wedding or commitment vows is a way for a couple outline what they will do to keep and maintain the intimate life of their marriage and relationship.

A while ago I wrote a post about keeping a marriage or relationship alive by activating biochemicals through sex.

I still think sex is an important topic and what I have been trying to get across to couples is that through taking the time to sit down together and get very clear about the dream they have for their marriage by discussing aspects of their life like money, and sex, and children, and in-laws, careers, fun activities, houses, cars, philanthropy, etc. they are better equipped to keep intimacy and their sex life alive.

Intimacy is a big loaded word. I did research a while ago about what women want and what men want and what I found is that men and women want the same things–intimacy. According to the sources I read, women want emotional intimacy and men want sexual intimacy.

However, after reading some of the commentary from a TV show that Oprah did with marriage counselor, M Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating, it became obvious to me that the reason men equate intimacy with sex is that they don’t know how to go about establishing a truly emotional and intimate connection with their partner.

Here’s a quote from the show: “It’s not just about having sex; it’s about emotional attachments. It’s about showing your private self to others. It’s about going to another person for what you should be holding personal for your wife, and continuing to put your energy somewhere else draws you that much more away and [makes it] harder to get back to your spouse.”

Women don’t really know how to go about creating intimacy either. There seems to be some built-in genetic something or other–that mother thing–that is helpful but women are as hard pressed as men to ‘know’ what or how to do this thing called intimacy.

Writing wedding vows together, however, forces a couple to actually think about, talk about, write about and then pledge what they will do to keep the ‘dream’ alive. That dream has a lot of elements such as money and sex, careers, houses and cars, but it is even more about establishing a conscious intimate connection that they can then build on and keep nourishing.

Writing and pledging wedding or commitment vows is not the end all and be all, but it is a beginning, and by repeating and rereading those vows over and over and over again the couple locks in their dream and it becomes their life operating system.

Rereading their vows together also creates opportunities for conversation so that problems can be solved almost before they begin.

The real work comes in setting up some guidelines to follow. That is what writing wedding or commitment vows are for. To establish guidelines that help a couple create a powerful, intimate, and sustainable marriage.

I want you to have the best life possible and not to have to ‘work’ at it so hard, because working at putting a marriage or relationship back together after it has cracked is where the ‘hard’ work really is.

Create a dream for your life and the life of your marriage, infuse that dream with excitement and passion, getting clear about all the important aspects and elements of what makes up a successful life and relationship. Tell your partner what you need from him or her to help you keep those dreams alive. That should be included in your vows.

Because your vows are all about what you are going to do to keep the dream alive.

See my Ebook, The Secret Life of Wedding Vows, to help you in your quest for the most amazing life ever!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

When Writing Vows Keep in Mind You'll be Reviewing Them Over and Over

When you pledge your vows at your wedding ceremony you are not done with them. You are going to keep rereading them to pump the creative energy of the Universe into them and make them a Law of Attraction.

Keep that in mind when you write your personal wedding vows. I want you to put some substance into them. I want you to infuse them with a dream and a vivid vision for your marriage.

That means you are not going to write them just so they sound like some poet came to live with you for a week. Impressing your guests is the least of it. Because, when the ceremony is over no one is going to remember what you said.

Your vows are for the two of you. Period. If you write them together your vows reflect the dream you have for your lives and for your marriage.

“You remind me of the sun rising in the East on a clear morning,” may be poetic but it doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING!

Your vows have to mean something. They have to have some substance. They are the dream you have for your life together!

Because your marriage vows are the dream you have for your life together, you must write your vows together. Don’t go off into a dark corner and surprise your partner. Surprise is not good here. You want to literally be on the same page.

Sit down together and talk about the dream you have for yourself and your life together. First one of you shares the dream for your individual life apart from the marrriage. This is most likely your career. Then the other shares their dream. Then talk about the dream for your marriage. What does it look like, feel like, sound like, etc. Talk about sex, and money, and children, and religion or spirituality, about houses and cars, about travel, about philanthropy, and anything you can think about that will make up the reality and experience of the marriage.

(In my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages , I give you lots of help with this including a ‘living the dream’ workbook. www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com )

Talk about what you will each do to help the other achieve their dream and talk about what you will have to do to keep ‘living the dream.’

That’s the basis of your vows. It’s not the vows yet. But the essence.

Now put what you talked about into written vows.

“I will love you by striving to grow and be healthy for both our sakes.”

“I vow to make our time together a priority in my life.”

“I promise to encourage your dreams and I promise to dream those dreams with you.”

“I promise never to go to bed angry.”

All these are great lines as long as you know what they mean.

Think BIG. Dream BIG. Live BIG!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping you to ‘Live the Dream” at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com/blog