Writing Wedding Vows–Check Your Communication Skills

I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.

You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.

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Writing Wedding Vows-Lining up Your Sight With Your Vision

When writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows, what you are doing is lining up your sight with your vision. You are going to intentionally begin seeing with new eyes.

Sight is the mechanics of seeing what is out in front of you and taking it in and making judgments based on that information.

Vision is the dream you have for your life together created first in your imagination and then seen it through your eyes.

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Writing Wedding Vows-Heading off the Infidelity Problem Before It Happens

Lately I am hearing all sorts of news about the problems with new marriages. This last item was about infidelity. It’s estimated that within the first year anywhere from 20%-50% of couples will have been unfaithful to their partners. The explanation is that this is a cry for help because of intimacy issues! It forces conversation and help.

The best time to talk about infidelity is not after it happens but before it happens, when you are sitting down and in the process of writing your wedding vows. That’s why I put together my innovative and unique perspective around writing wedding or commitment vows.

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY, PASSIONATE AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.

A STRONG INTIMATE MARRIAGE HAS TO BE PLANNED FOR!

It begins by having those intimate talks BEFORE, not after there are problems.

When you know what it is you are working for, have a vision and goals, you have something out in front of you that you can direct your energies to and gather your activities and actions around.

By casually repeating vows you haven’t written yourself, or writing vows by yourself with no conversation, you are squandering the most important and energetic time you will ever have in your life!

If you don’t sit down and consciously and specifically get clear about what it is you want for yourself and for your marriage you have no rudder, no sails, and no wind!

Your dream or vision creates the goals. Those goals are the rudder. The sails are the actions you take to work towards and accomplish those goals and the wind is the passion and intimacy that grows and expands and gets stronger and stronger.

Sit down together and talk about the life you want to create together. Talk about careers, and children, sex and money, family, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.

Talk about it NOW! Not later when there are so many problems that some of them cannot be overcome.

You will have the best chance for happiness if you know what makes you happy and you make plans on how to keep that happiness, intimacy, love and passion alive.You think that because you are infused with energy and passion now it will last all on its own. It may.

But most likely it won’t because there is too much competition for your time and energy these days. You’ve got to craft a dream, a vision, a set of life goals for yourselves, then write your vows promising what you will do to keep that dream alive.

Then keep reading those vows every day.

You CAN have a happy and long life together. But you’ve got to PLAN for it! You begin by writing your wedding or commitment vows TOGETHER IN SHARED CONVERSATION WHERE YOU WRITE DOWN THE DREAM YOU HAVE FOR YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!

Then follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage, which mainly is about doing little things every day to keep it all alive and thriving.

I have a totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marrriage for you. Totally free means that you will not even have to leave your Email address. Because it’s my gift to you! 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

I have an innovative and unique philosophy around writing vows. You can read more about it here: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Wedding Vows-10 Commandments of Marriage

An important aspect of my innovative and unique philosophy around writing wedding or commitment vows is that you have got to find a way to keep those vows alive and thriving right from the beginning.

Because I believe if you attend to the little things right from the start your marriage or partnership does not have to be hard. You will have attended to things as they come up, settled your differences, and moved on.

One way to keep your marriage or partnership thriving and intimate is to keep the dream you have for your marriage alive and in front of you.

Ten ways to do that is by following the 10 Commandments of Marriage. I wrote those commandments about 2 1/2 years ago for a wedding ceremony I officiated at.

1. Honor yourself: When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely. It’s the basis for everything else that defines your life and your marriage.

2. Honor each other: Do not hesitate to see more in each other than what is presented at face value. Look deep. People tend to live up to our expectations of them.

3. Have powerful dreams and goals–for yourself, each other, and the marriage: You need dreams to keep you truly alive and vital. They help you create passion; for life and for each other.

4. Read your vows every day: Sometimes you read your vows by yourself. At least once a week read them together. This keeps the dream alive and in front of you and gives you a wonderful opportunity for conversation.

5. Say “Thank you” and “I Love You” every day: Say ‘I Love You’ to each other every day; find a way to show appreciation to people you love and people who give you service. This also includes clerks, salespeople, wait staff, people who hold doors open, people who let you in traffic, etc. “Thank you,’ is Universal currency that pays BIG dividends.

6. Do little things for each other: Do not wait to be asked. Anticipate opportunities to show your partner that you are thinking of their well-being. This is a fabulous intimacy building strategy.

7. Never go to bed angry with each other: Because talking it out will save you time, energy and mistakes the next day.

8. Listen to each other: What you give your attention to grows. It doesn’t matter if it’s a plant, a bank account, your marriage, or your children.

9. Focus the solution and not the problem: Look at the problem only long enough to understand it. Then focus on the solution. When you focus on the solution, ideas and opportunities will present themselves in unusual and magical ways.

10. Lighten up and laugh often–especially at yourself!


You can download a beautiful frameable copy of this with graphics at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com This is totally free. That means that you will not even have to leave your Email address because this is my gift to you!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows-Can You Hear Me Now?

When you’ve taken time to get clear about the dream you have for your life together and promise what you will do to keep it alive by writing your own personal wedding vows, you want people to hear you when you read and pledge those vows to each other at your ceremony.

When your guests can hear everything that takes place at your ceremony they can be present in a way that most guests aren’t. Most people are not fully present because THEY CANNOT HEAR WHAT IS GOING ON!

Here is what I want you to do so everyone, including you and your partner, get the most out of your ceremony, your vows, and your entire wedding:

GET A MICROPHONE.

One for the minister or officiant and a free standing one for you as a couple. Three would actually be perfect, those little clip on things. That way even someone in the back row would not miss a thing.

Here was my rationing: When I was performing weddings I used to tell my couples that they were putting on a show and their guests deserved to heard!

These guests would pay good money to attend. They would buy gifts or give money, purchase new clothes and travel to attend, some long distances that would require airplanes and hotel stays.

All these people deserved the greatest experience possible.

When you fully include your guests in your ceremony you are saying ‘thank you.’ You are acknowledging their presence and letting them know that they are appreciated and honored.

If you are outside it’s even more important because there are no walls for your voices to bounce off. Sounds get absorbed and diluted by trees, grass, the great outside. Even people right in front won’t hear.

(My favorite wedding was on the top of a hill at an old country inn in Massachusetts. It was summer and the garden was in full bloom. One of those wonderful old rock fences you find in New England encircled the garden. The ceremony took place in the garden in front of one of those rock fences.

Just as the ceremony ended and the balloons were set off, the sun set in a glorious panorama of pinks and oranges right behind the rock wall where the bride and groom were standing. They were literally framed in color. We all cried a little over that!)

Adding microphones to your service is one of the most fundamentally important and easily attended to actions you can take to make your wedding or commitment service and vows the ultimate memorable event.

You can read more about my innovative and unique approach to writing wedding vows as well as the Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Relationships by following this link.

Make sure you sign up at the RSS link so you don’t miss any postings.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows–Don’t Squander Your Dreams on Nay Sayers

If you began by writing your wedding or commitment vows the way I suggest, which is to talk about the dream you have of your life together but stretch your imagination bigger than you ever thought you could, you may find that some of your friends and family will try to keep you down.

They’re what has been called ‘wet blankets,’ ‘nay-sayers,’ and ‘dream eaters.’ They want you to stay like them.

Did you ever get the, “Who do you think you are?” speech growing up. It’s sort of like that.

Here’s a quote that just showed up today in mailbox: “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” Theodore White

You are going to get on top of that right now. One of the areas of your life together to discuss is ‘friends’ and another is ‘family.’ Will your family support your dreams; your own dreams and the dreams you have for your marriage? Are the people you hang with critical, negative or valueless?Some family and friends are just sort of naturally pessimistic and negative. They may not mean anything personal but just being around them is a downer. Guard against them by deciding that you are going to be in charge of what you think and feel.

Talk it out. Be prepared. If you let them own their own stuff you won’t spend time being angry, frustrated, or doubt yourself. Pay attention to how you feel when you are around them.

Take nothing personally. You may have to practice this but it gets easier as you do.

Make a decision that the friends you have in your life are like-minded, share your values, and are supportive. You can release the rest of them to their highest and greatest good. In most cases they will just sort of drift away. No scenes. They just stop showing up.

Your family is another story. But again, decide how you are going to react to anyone in your family who is negative or tries to steal your dreams. You know who they are. They are probably scared, sad, lost or ashamed, never had any dreams or weren’t successful. They will want you to stay the same so they won’t have to look at themselves.

If you already know that cousin Joe is going to find fault with your hopes and dreams, for heavens sake don’t share them with him! Stay in control of your life.

Only share your dreams with those friends and family members that you know are going want the best for you and help you to get it!

Just a reminder. First you write down the dream you have for your lives and the life of your marriage or partnership, then you write your vows promising to do whatever it takes to keep that dream alive. Keep reading those vows even after the ceremony and watch people, things, and ideas show up that support your dreams. That’s the law of the universe!

Another law is that like finds like. If you know who you are, dream strong dreams, stick to them, then others like you will show up. It’s sort of like a magical master mind association!

Learn how to write beautiful, meaningful vows that have the potential to keep going and going and going. Click here.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Life Vows-Give Yourself a Boost of Dopamine

A primary part of my philosophy about writing wedding and commitment vows is that when you are talking about, writing about, pledging, thinking, etc., (7 tools of creation) you are creating a pathway that can be recreated every time you reread your vows.

This is mental science stuff.

In other words, it’s proven! Science has done tests and tests and experiments up one side and down the other.

Now, that is really good news for you. Here’s why.

MRIs reveal that doing something good, like making a donation, or doing something for someone else activates the brain’s reward center–giving you a boost of dopamine, which is a natural drug that makes you feel good.

So, when you help others, the primitve part of your brain lights up to experience pleasure.

OH, boy, don’t you love it.

What’s that got to do with writing wedding or commitment vows, you ask?

Just this. When you sit down together to talk about the dream you have for your life and the dream you have for your marriage, then listen to your partner tell you what it he or she needs you to do to help him or her achieve that dream, you get into a schmushy, mushy, feel-good place.

You have already given before you actually ‘do’ anything. You get that dopamine flowing.

Then, when you reread those vows (remember, your vows are the promises of what you are going to do to keep your relationship and marriage alive and thriving) you go back in time, and once again feel all warm and fuzzy.

This is just one more reason why writing your own vows are so important.

If you haven’t already written your vows go on over to the main web page and pick up a copy of the Secret Ebook. You can do this anytime, even after the ceremony.

Get into the feeling of the dream you have for your life, the life of your partner, and the life of your marriage, get high on expectation and delight, and set a tone, a ’scientific feel-good pattern.’ Then keep it alive.

Dopamine is about feeling personally powerful (as in ‘I can do anything!), connecting to your partner on a heart level, and an intimate level and keeping the dream going and going and going.
Here’s a link to the main web site where you’ll find the 2 for $2 offer.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow and Life Vow Coach
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Helping people live life to the fullest!
Tags: commitment vows, dopamine, life vows, vows, wedding vows