Life Vows-How to Lift Morale or Kill it!

When I was growing up the philosophy about raising children in my family did not subscribe to lifting moral.

It was about criticizing instead of praising.

I suspect that a lot of us grew up that way. If that was the way your family operated that is the behaviors you will bring into your marriage. It’s important for you to be aware of how you point out faults or criticize each other.

It has been proven that the less we criticize and the more we praise, the more cooperative and successful people will become.

Here is a great story that points up why it’s important to praise and say ‘thank you” instead of criticize.

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Writing Wedding Vows–Check Your Communication Skills

I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.

You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.

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Writing Wedding Vows-Lining up Your Sight With Your Vision

When writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows, what you are doing is lining up your sight with your vision. You are going to intentionally begin seeing with new eyes.

Sight is the mechanics of seeing what is out in front of you and taking it in and making judgments based on that information.

Vision is the dream you have for your life together created first in your imagination and then seen it through your eyes.

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Wedding Vows-Setting Up Your Emotional Bank Account

When you begin writing your wedding or commitment vows you are actually setting up your emotional bank account against which everything you do as a couple will either be a deposit or a withdrawal.

The balance in your account will be a huge determining factor on how intimate, easy and fun your relationship is.

The promises you write into your vows are the guidelines that you can use to keep the currency flowing into instead of flowing out.

I want you to write your vows in such a way that you are depositing emotional dollars into your accounts on a daily basis. That way when there are some challenges that arise you will have the emotional capital to draw on.

If you wrote your vows as a result of outlining the dream you each have for your life and the life of your marriage, then wrote down what it is you are going to do to keep the dream alive, you have set up the parameters of your account.

By reading those vows every day, following the 10 Commandments of Marriage, and remembering you are both in it for the long haul, you set up automatic deposits.

“Every experience we have with our spouse, be it positive or negative, affects the love and balance of our relationship, says Willard F. Harley, writing in his popular book “Love Bank”. He says, we are either making deposits or withdrawals in our love bank account each day. . . Should negative feelings and bad habits dominate in a couple’s relationship, the account can be seriously overdrawn. The couple can begin to hate each other and the relationship goes into a serious deficit.”

He identifies the four most destructive habits:

1. Nagging-Nagging includes persistent faultfinding. As one comedian quips,”Women always marry a man and hope he’ll change. Men always marry a woman and hope she’ll never change.”
2. Angry Outbursts-Outbursts of anger often takes the form of shouting, put-downs, criticism, or sarcastic name-calling or attempts to punish partners because they have done something that displeases.
3. Criticism-Constant criticism of the partner is the strongest predictor of separation and divorce.
4. Irritating habits and annoying behaviors- In spite of the fact that a woman is motivated by love to change and improve her partner, her mate might perceive it not as love but as rejection and manipulation.

I think that you can take all the habits and roll them into one thing, and that’s not following commandment #2, Honoring each other.

If you are reading your vows every day and reading them together at least once a week, this is the opportunity to bring up habits and actions that each of you find annoying.

By making deposits into your emotional bank account, then these discussions can be entered into and concluded in a positive way, which automatically puts more emotional dollars into your account.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT HAVE TO BE DIFFICULT OR HARD IF YOU ATTEND TO THE LITTLE THINGS AND CONTINUE TO PUT EMOTIONAL DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

Pick up your FREE copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage, put them in an in-your-face place, read them occasionally, practice #10 over and over and over and over again: Lighten up and laugh often!

If you only follow this one practice, your emotional bank account will be so full you’ll have to start giving some of your dividends away. People will line up to receive them. Then you have dividends coming from everyplace.

You will be rich beyond measure!

So begin writing your wedding vows with the idea that they are your banking rules. Then consciously continue making deposits.

You can download a totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage by following this link. They are totally free because they are my gift to you. 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda has an innovative and revolutionary philosophy about the importance of writing your own personal wedding or commitment vows. It will change the way you think of vows, your relationship, and the ease with which you can do this thing called ‘marriage.’ Read more: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows-Heading off the Infidelity Problem Before It Happens

Lately I am hearing all sorts of news about the problems with new marriages. This last item was about infidelity. It’s estimated that within the first year anywhere from 20%-50% of couples will have been unfaithful to their partners. The explanation is that this is a cry for help because of intimacy issues! It forces conversation and help.

The best time to talk about infidelity is not after it happens but before it happens, when you are sitting down and in the process of writing your wedding vows. That’s why I put together my innovative and unique perspective around writing wedding or commitment vows.

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY, PASSIONATE AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.

A STRONG INTIMATE MARRIAGE HAS TO BE PLANNED FOR!

It begins by having those intimate talks BEFORE, not after there are problems.

When you know what it is you are working for, have a vision and goals, you have something out in front of you that you can direct your energies to and gather your activities and actions around.

By casually repeating vows you haven’t written yourself, or writing vows by yourself with no conversation, you are squandering the most important and energetic time you will ever have in your life!

If you don’t sit down and consciously and specifically get clear about what it is you want for yourself and for your marriage you have no rudder, no sails, and no wind!

Your dream or vision creates the goals. Those goals are the rudder. The sails are the actions you take to work towards and accomplish those goals and the wind is the passion and intimacy that grows and expands and gets stronger and stronger.

Sit down together and talk about the life you want to create together. Talk about careers, and children, sex and money, family, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.

Talk about it NOW! Not later when there are so many problems that some of them cannot be overcome.

You will have the best chance for happiness if you know what makes you happy and you make plans on how to keep that happiness, intimacy, love and passion alive.You think that because you are infused with energy and passion now it will last all on its own. It may.

But most likely it won’t because there is too much competition for your time and energy these days. You’ve got to craft a dream, a vision, a set of life goals for yourselves, then write your vows promising what you will do to keep that dream alive.

Then keep reading those vows every day.

You CAN have a happy and long life together. But you’ve got to PLAN for it! You begin by writing your wedding or commitment vows TOGETHER IN SHARED CONVERSATION WHERE YOU WRITE DOWN THE DREAM YOU HAVE FOR YOUR LIFE TOGETHER!

Then follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage, which mainly is about doing little things every day to keep it all alive and thriving.

I have a totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marrriage for you. Totally free means that you will not even have to leave your Email address. Because it’s my gift to you! 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

I have an innovative and unique philosophy around writing vows. You can read more about it here: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Wedding Vows-10 Commandments of Marriage

An important aspect of my innovative and unique philosophy around writing wedding or commitment vows is that you have got to find a way to keep those vows alive and thriving right from the beginning.

Because I believe if you attend to the little things right from the start your marriage or partnership does not have to be hard. You will have attended to things as they come up, settled your differences, and moved on.

One way to keep your marriage or partnership thriving and intimate is to keep the dream you have for your marriage alive and in front of you.

Ten ways to do that is by following the 10 Commandments of Marriage. I wrote those commandments about 2 1/2 years ago for a wedding ceremony I officiated at.

1. Honor yourself: When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely. It’s the basis for everything else that defines your life and your marriage.

2. Honor each other: Do not hesitate to see more in each other than what is presented at face value. Look deep. People tend to live up to our expectations of them.

3. Have powerful dreams and goals–for yourself, each other, and the marriage: You need dreams to keep you truly alive and vital. They help you create passion; for life and for each other.

4. Read your vows every day: Sometimes you read your vows by yourself. At least once a week read them together. This keeps the dream alive and in front of you and gives you a wonderful opportunity for conversation.

5. Say “Thank you” and “I Love You” every day: Say ‘I Love You’ to each other every day; find a way to show appreciation to people you love and people who give you service. This also includes clerks, salespeople, wait staff, people who hold doors open, people who let you in traffic, etc. “Thank you,’ is Universal currency that pays BIG dividends.

6. Do little things for each other: Do not wait to be asked. Anticipate opportunities to show your partner that you are thinking of their well-being. This is a fabulous intimacy building strategy.

7. Never go to bed angry with each other: Because talking it out will save you time, energy and mistakes the next day.

8. Listen to each other: What you give your attention to grows. It doesn’t matter if it’s a plant, a bank account, your marriage, or your children.

9. Focus the solution and not the problem: Look at the problem only long enough to understand it. Then focus on the solution. When you focus on the solution, ideas and opportunities will present themselves in unusual and magical ways.

10. Lighten up and laugh often–especially at yourself!


You can download a beautiful frameable copy of this with graphics at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com This is totally free. That means that you will not even have to leave your Email address because this is my gift to you!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows-Liberate Your Possibilities

Do you have any idea of the possibilities that you will liberate and set free when you write your own wedding or commitment vows and do it with passion, power and purpose?

Writing your own personal vows gives you the opportunity of a lifetime to create a blueprint, a vision, a dream, of the life that you have for yourself and for your marriage or partnership.

That possibility and potential exists because, when you have talked intimately and purposefully about your life together, you create a powerful pull that acts like a magnet and begins to draw to you everything you would ever need to live the life of your dreams. This includes the people, things, opportunities, experiences, and money!

That pull is compounded, multiplied and exponentially increased by all the activity around you.

That means that all the factors that go into your wedding, the time and emotion around the planning–the caterer, the cake maker, the wedding clothes people, your friends and family, your wedding vows, etc.–all combine to create an energy that is unlike anything that will ever come around again in your lifetime. It’s as though the whole world is on your side.

Everyone wants you to succeed:

They are putting out positive thoughts. (That’s a tsunami of good will, energy and motion.)

They are helping you to dream a big dream.

They want to be part of your success.

(That energetic time exists every time you get married but decreases with each subsequent event. I want you to take advantage of that energy no matter whether this is your first, your second or your third event.)

That creative energy is out in front of you already going to work on your behalf.

Trust me on that. If you step into that flow and consciously stay in it, you can create miracles, intimacy, beauty and purpose that will keep your marriage and partnership intimate and alive.

I want you to create a powerful river of energy so strong by writing your own wedding or commitment vows that you will be carried along in it easily.

OK, I’m going to keep saying this over and over and over and over until you get it:

Write your wedding or commitment vows TOGETHER after you have talked about the dream you have for your life together and written it down.

Your vows are the promises you make to each other telling each other just what you will do to ‘keep the dream alive.’

Get that river flowing.

You do that by imagining and talking about how your life will look like in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.

Find every opportunity to incorporate elements.

If you have any problems with getting to the emotions, the colors, the excitement of what you are trying to imagine, find a picture in a magazine that you are attracted to and discuss what it is about that picture that makes you come alive and excites you. Write it down.

I do not want to lie to you and say that you will never have any situations in your life that need attention.

What I am saying is that if the river of your marriage and partnership is flowing fast and strong enough your relationship will flow easily around those rocks, slowing down only enough for you to look at and attend to the situation. Then it will pick up speed and get going again.

A stream or river that doesn’t flow very fast stops or circles around the rocks and sometimes there is as much current going backward as forward.

I want you to have the best chance in the entire world . . . in the entire universe.

Because the entire world and universe in on your side. When you realize that you consciously take steps to keep it that way.

Write your own personal wedding or commitment vows.

Talk about the dream you have for your life together and get passionate about it!

Share that dream with others at your wedding or ceremony by reciting and pledging your vows.

Then keep that dream alive.

Your job is to keep enough water in the river, get it moving with passion, power and possibilities, then let it flow all by itself.

Get a dream and swim in it . . .

. . . splash in it,

. . . float in it,

. . . find new ways to play in it!

You can download your totally FREE copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage as my gift to you. I recently redid it with graphics so it is a beautiful document that you can frame. You can download it FREE here. Pass it on!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples to write down the dream and then live it.

I have an unusual and innovative and totally revolutionary philosophy and method and of writing wedding vows that create powerful marriages and partnerships and keep then going and going and going. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Love Ya!

Life Vows-There’s a Pony in the Pile

You sat down together and talked about your life together; you finished writing your personal wedding or commitment vows; you’ve read or recited them to each other at your ceremony; and now the honeymoon is over.

A shit-uation has arisen in your relationship that threatens to undermine your happiness.

Reality has set in. Except that I teach you to never accept reality. Only use what you are experiencing to grow into the dream you have for your lives. In order to get to the dream sometimes you have to shovel a pile.

This situation is pure manure. Pure gold.

And what does manure do?

IT FERTILIZES!

IT GROWS THINGS!

IT IS HIGHLY VALUABLE!

Organic gardeners prizes manure because it’s natural and organic. You pay dearly for organic food!

And your situation is a natural and organic element in your relationship. When you reach for something bigger than you know how to do shit-uations will come up.

It’s what you do with those shit-uations that counts. Because if you have dreamed a big dream when writing your vows and embedded that dream into your vows, then opportunities will arise to take you to the next level.

In other words, THERE’S A PILE WITH A PONY IN THERE SOMEWHERE!

Here’s the teaching story behind this idea:

A small boy who lived on a farm that had lots of cows wanted a pony for Christmas. Christmas morning came and went and there was no pony anywhere near the tree or the front door. Then the young boy disappeared and when he didn’t show up for dinner his mom went looking for him.

She found him in the barn shoveling a huge pile of manure. When she asked him what he was doing he replied, “With all this manure there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere!”

I want you to learn from every situation that shows up in your life. It’s a pile in disguise with a pony (gift) hidden in it.

I want you to master every situation by taking advantage of every ‘opportunity’ . . . which is another word for ’shit-uation.’

There are four questions to ask yourself here:

* How does this ’situation’ serve us/me?
* How can we/I learn from this?
* How to we/I use this to create a better life and stay true to our/my vows?
* What’s the bigger picture here that this is forcing us/me to look at?

You outlined your dream by writing meaningful wedding vows and creating a vision for what you want your life to be like.

Now you have an opportunity to realize how and when, and where you went off course and correct it quickly.

You’ll know you went off course because you can feel it. You’re angry, sad, feel let down, lonely, etc.

Tell yourself that you will recognize when you are off course. Then make a decision to correct it. Do not let it go for even one day.

Commandment #7 is “Never go to bed angry.” Those are powerful words you want to live by.

Resolve your differences before you go to bed or you’ll ’sleep on your differences.’

Not a good thing to do!

Remember, I have three main principles to follow when it comes to vows.

1. Write your vows as a result of meaningful shared conversation where you get very clear about the dream you each have for your life together and write that down. (Your vows are the promises that you make to each other stating what you will do to keep that dream alive.)
2. Read those vows every day.
3. Practice the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

There IS a gift in every shit-uation. And just like a present, you want to unwrap it quickly to find what is hidden inside.

Because, like the pile in a barn, IT WILL START TO SMELL IMMEDIATELY!

When you get to the pile before it multiplies you can shovel it easily and quickly and get on with ‘living the dream.’

You can find out more about my innovative and life-changing philosophy and about my Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Marriages, at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow and LifeVow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

PS: Be sure to check out the Wedding Vow blog. You can automatically know when there are new postings on either or both of the blogs by clicking on the RSS feeds! Follow the above link.

Love you!

Writing Wedding Vows-Can You Hear Me Now?

When you’ve taken time to get clear about the dream you have for your life together and promise what you will do to keep it alive by writing your own personal wedding vows, you want people to hear you when you read and pledge those vows to each other at your ceremony.

When your guests can hear everything that takes place at your ceremony they can be present in a way that most guests aren’t. Most people are not fully present because THEY CANNOT HEAR WHAT IS GOING ON!

Here is what I want you to do so everyone, including you and your partner, get the most out of your ceremony, your vows, and your entire wedding:

GET A MICROPHONE.

One for the minister or officiant and a free standing one for you as a couple. Three would actually be perfect, those little clip on things. That way even someone in the back row would not miss a thing.

Here was my rationing: When I was performing weddings I used to tell my couples that they were putting on a show and their guests deserved to heard!

These guests would pay good money to attend. They would buy gifts or give money, purchase new clothes and travel to attend, some long distances that would require airplanes and hotel stays.

All these people deserved the greatest experience possible.

When you fully include your guests in your ceremony you are saying ‘thank you.’ You are acknowledging their presence and letting them know that they are appreciated and honored.

If you are outside it’s even more important because there are no walls for your voices to bounce off. Sounds get absorbed and diluted by trees, grass, the great outside. Even people right in front won’t hear.

(My favorite wedding was on the top of a hill at an old country inn in Massachusetts. It was summer and the garden was in full bloom. One of those wonderful old rock fences you find in New England encircled the garden. The ceremony took place in the garden in front of one of those rock fences.

Just as the ceremony ended and the balloons were set off, the sun set in a glorious panorama of pinks and oranges right behind the rock wall where the bride and groom were standing. They were literally framed in color. We all cried a little over that!)

Adding microphones to your service is one of the most fundamentally important and easily attended to actions you can take to make your wedding or commitment service and vows the ultimate memorable event.

You can read more about my innovative and unique approach to writing wedding vows as well as the Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS-How to Write Vows That Create Powerful Relationships by following this link.

Make sure you sign up at the RSS link so you don’t miss any postings.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows-How to Give the Perfect Smooch!

When writing wedding vows maybe it would be a good idea to promise to ‘practice kissing every day.’ Not just a little peck on the check, or a brush of the lips, but the real endorphin popping smooch!

Because studies on kissing have unlocked the secret behind that perfect smooch. And it begins with the chemistry.

A passionate snog sets off a chain reaction, releasing sexually-charged hormones and pheromones into the brain. The whole brain (and body) is involved.

Psychology professor Wendy Hill, of Lafayette College, Pennsylvania, said: “We tend to think about who we are kissing and how it feels, but there are a lot of other things happening.

“This study shows that kissing is more complex and causes hormonal changes that we never thought occurred.”

Scientific research has led experts to believe pheromones exist in our saliva, giving off unconscious signals that boost human arousal. Which is why we see those women on The Bachelor engaging in passionate kissing a lot.

They know what they are doing. Science is finally catching up and explaining it in rather dull terms but what it’s all about is keeping your relationship alive and passionate and thriving.

This is not a joke. Not by a long shot, because one of the 2 biggest reasons couples give for that 50% divorce rate is sex. Or lack of it.

I’m asking you to be very mindful about those hormones. In a previous article I wrote about how we trigger hormones just by touching and doing little things for each other.

I’m all about using nature to do a lot of the relationship work!

I want you to keep on training your cells to get into the habit of feeling good about each other.

I want you to have such a bond with each other that just being in the same room makes you feel good.

I want you to get so used to doing the little things that the big things take care of themselves.

In the morning going off to work is probably not the best time for that long, wet, passionate kiss. Choose your time. But every day I want you to put into your relationship bank account one big, long, sloppy kiss!

What happens after that is up to you.

Laugh about this article if you want but I’m right on serious about it.

You’ve got to keep the intimacy alive, and you’ve got to be mindful about that. Which is why I say that it’s the little things that will make or break your relationship.

You’ve got to practice, practice, practice the little things until they become the big things and everything else is easily put into perspective and handled when they show up.

Not two months later when there is no touching, no kissing, and you are angry about everything except what you started out being angry about.

Write it into your vows: “I promise to give you a big, sloppy, passionate kiss every day of our life we are together!”

Would you believe it . . . there are kissing schools. You might want to check into it to see if there is something you’ve missed!

Don’t forget to sign up for the RSS feeds to keep on getting all this good stuff. After all, who else is going to tell you that you have to keep on smooching.

Visit the main page to learn more about writing wedding vows if you’re still in the ‘before the ceremony’ planning stage. There’s also good stuff on the Wedding Vow blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Keep on kissing.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows–Don’t Squander Your Dreams on Nay Sayers

If you began by writing your wedding or commitment vows the way I suggest, which is to talk about the dream you have of your life together but stretch your imagination bigger than you ever thought you could, you may find that some of your friends and family will try to keep you down.

They’re what has been called ‘wet blankets,’ ‘nay-sayers,’ and ‘dream eaters.’ They want you to stay like them.

Did you ever get the, “Who do you think you are?” speech growing up. It’s sort of like that.

Here’s a quote that just showed up today in mailbox: “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.” Theodore White

You are going to get on top of that right now. One of the areas of your life together to discuss is ‘friends’ and another is ‘family.’ Will your family support your dreams; your own dreams and the dreams you have for your marriage? Are the people you hang with critical, negative or valueless?Some family and friends are just sort of naturally pessimistic and negative. They may not mean anything personal but just being around them is a downer. Guard against them by deciding that you are going to be in charge of what you think and feel.

Talk it out. Be prepared. If you let them own their own stuff you won’t spend time being angry, frustrated, or doubt yourself. Pay attention to how you feel when you are around them.

Take nothing personally. You may have to practice this but it gets easier as you do.

Make a decision that the friends you have in your life are like-minded, share your values, and are supportive. You can release the rest of them to their highest and greatest good. In most cases they will just sort of drift away. No scenes. They just stop showing up.

Your family is another story. But again, decide how you are going to react to anyone in your family who is negative or tries to steal your dreams. You know who they are. They are probably scared, sad, lost or ashamed, never had any dreams or weren’t successful. They will want you to stay the same so they won’t have to look at themselves.

If you already know that cousin Joe is going to find fault with your hopes and dreams, for heavens sake don’t share them with him! Stay in control of your life.

Only share your dreams with those friends and family members that you know are going want the best for you and help you to get it!

Just a reminder. First you write down the dream you have for your lives and the life of your marriage or partnership, then you write your vows promising to do whatever it takes to keep that dream alive. Keep reading those vows even after the ceremony and watch people, things, and ideas show up that support your dreams. That’s the law of the universe!

Another law is that like finds like. If you know who you are, dream strong dreams, stick to them, then others like you will show up. It’s sort of like a magical master mind association!

Learn how to write beautiful, meaningful vows that have the potential to keep going and going and going. Click here.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach
Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Writing Wedding Vows-How to Breathe Life Into Your Vows-A Ritual

When writing your wedding or commitment vows keep in mind that you will want to keep them alive and thriving. I have a new ritual that you can use at your ceremony to anchor in the heart of your vows and to give you something you can continue to repeat that will reinvigor and return you to the spirit of the dream that you wrote into your vows.

You are going to literally ‘breathe life into your vows.’

The other day I was thinking about a conference I went to in Hawaii. One morning a Kahuna came to talk to us about Hawaiian spirituality. He and a member of the group participated in an intimate exchange of breath.

You don’t do this with just anyone. It’s a deep ritual of love and trust and honor.

In the Bible, God breathed life into Adam by breathing into his nostrils.

So there is some long and deep history here with this ‘breath of life.’ It seems that it is a primal thing. Indeed, when you participate in this ‘breath of life’ you feel as though you are at the very creation of life.

The ‘honi’ is a Polnesian greeting in which two people greet each other by pressing noses and inhaling at the same time. It represents the exchange of ha–the breath of life–and mana–spiritual power between two people.

Doesn’t it make sense that this would be the perfect ritual to associate with your vows. Because if you take advantage of this time to write vows that have a strong dream and movement in them, they are like creating a new life.

First read or recite your vows. Then step together and press foreheads and the tips of your noses together. When one person breaths out, at the same time the other person breathes in, exchanging the very essence of each other and mingling it. Keep this up until it feels complete.

I haven’t worked out who should start but you’ll figure that out. Practice it.

The officiant can say something like this before you begin the ritual:

“Your vows are the sacred exchange of your promises to each other. By exchanging your breaths, you are mingling the dream of your life together in a very deep and primal way, indicating to each other that you are emotionally, mentally and spiritually committed to your vows, each other, and your life together.”

Complete the ritual by keeping your foreheads together but bending your heads so you are no longer breathing each other’s breaths.Then each of you put your hands on the other’s shoulders or take hold of your hands and look into each other’s eyes.

“Look into each other’s eyes and see that you cannot be separated because you have shared the very life of (God) (the Universe) (Allah) etc. You are filled.”

Finish by lightly brushing each others lips in a sacred kiss. This is different than a passionate hungry kiss. It’s simple and light and joy filled.

Learn how to write beautiful, meaningful vows that have the potential to keep going and going and going. Click her.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Life Vows-Give Yourself a Boost of Dopamine

A primary part of my philosophy about writing wedding and commitment vows is that when you are talking about, writing about, pledging, thinking, etc., (7 tools of creation) you are creating a pathway that can be recreated every time you reread your vows.

This is mental science stuff.

In other words, it’s proven! Science has done tests and tests and experiments up one side and down the other.

Now, that is really good news for you. Here’s why.

MRIs reveal that doing something good, like making a donation, or doing something for someone else activates the brain’s reward center–giving you a boost of dopamine, which is a natural drug that makes you feel good.

So, when you help others, the primitve part of your brain lights up to experience pleasure.

OH, boy, don’t you love it.

What’s that got to do with writing wedding or commitment vows, you ask?

Just this. When you sit down together to talk about the dream you have for your life and the dream you have for your marriage, then listen to your partner tell you what it he or she needs you to do to help him or her achieve that dream, you get into a schmushy, mushy, feel-good place.

You have already given before you actually ‘do’ anything. You get that dopamine flowing.

Then, when you reread those vows (remember, your vows are the promises of what you are going to do to keep your relationship and marriage alive and thriving) you go back in time, and once again feel all warm and fuzzy.

This is just one more reason why writing your own vows are so important.

If you haven’t already written your vows go on over to the main web page and pick up a copy of the Secret Ebook. You can do this anytime, even after the ceremony.

Get into the feeling of the dream you have for your life, the life of your partner, and the life of your marriage, get high on expectation and delight, and set a tone, a ’scientific feel-good pattern.’ Then keep it alive.

Dopamine is about feeling personally powerful (as in ‘I can do anything!), connecting to your partner on a heart level, and an intimate level and keeping the dream going and going and going.
Here’s a link to the main web site where you’ll find the 2 for $2 offer.

Love, light and laughter,
Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow and Life Vow Coach
PS: Don’t forget to sign up for the RSS feed to stay on top of new articles.
Helping people live life to the fullest!
Tags: commitment vows, dopamine, life vows, vows, wedding vows

Writing Wedding Vows--"Big Hairy Audacious Goals"

You are going to base writing your wedding or commitment vows on a BHAG, or dream. What you want to do is to infuse this BHAG into every letter, word and phrase and create a huge Law of Attraction in the process.

BHAG stands for Big Hairy Audacious Goals! (I heard a famous and successful person use that term. I love it!) You want to live the most amazing life possible. That won’t happen if you don’t have BHAG’s for your own life and your life together as a couple.

This simple exercise is going to give you an opportunity to let your imagination fly free. Don’t be afraid to dream big. Imagine things that you can’t possibly think will ever come about. In the imagining of a thing is the potential for it’s success.

You could begin to fill in the blanks some evening over dinner and make it an ongoing monthly event. Just imagine how this can open up conversation about the impossible becoming possible. Above all, have fun with this!

In a notebook (that you can keep) write down the following headings on separate pages and number your page from 1-101:

WHAT WE WANT TO BE

WHAT WE WANT TO DO

WHAT WE WANT TO HAVE.

Why 101? No reason except it’s out of the box. Most people use 100. You can use 115, or 155, or 205. You choose.

You are not trying to fill up your notebook in one sitting. Start by entering as much as you can think of. Then be aware when new ideas come up. You might carry a small notebook and jot them down as you are aware of them. Then transfer them to your ‘big’ idea book!

Title your notebook: “____ and ___ Big Hairy Audacious Goal Book.”

Remember this is not about practicality, it’s about thinking out of the box.

Include physical, mental and spiritual aspects.

Again, everything and anything is possible so let your imagination soar. You are stretching your believability arms.

You are going for BHAG’s! Not you everyday garden variety.

If your intention is clear and you’re passionately involved in your vision, the means for achieving it will come to you. The how-to’s will simply begin to manifest in ways more magnificent than you can imagine.

Write your vows to support the dreams that you wrote. Include a line something like this: “I promise to always dream with you and imagine big goals.”

Then, of course, keep reading and reading those vows over and over and over. You will begin to see those ‘impossible’ people, places, things, ideas, situations, experiences and opportunities show up in magical and mystical ways.

THINK BIG!!

(Use this exercise for your own personal life as well as the life of your marriage.)

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Linda Bardes is a non-traditional minister who refers to herself as The Wedding Vow Coach. She has an unusual and innovative perspective around the importance of writing personal wedding or commitment vows. http://www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies

A beautiful marriage or partnership doesn’t just happen. However, if you attend to the little things you will not have to ‘work hard’ at your relationship. It will keep going and going and going, with just a little course correction now and then. Your potential is in your vows!!

Writing Wedding Vows--3 Ways to Keep Them Going and Going and Going

If you think that writing your personal wedding or commitment vows and then pledging those vows at your ceremony is the end of them, think again. The power in your vows is partly in the writing, partly in the pledging, and even more importantly in keeping them alive.

Here are 3 ways you can keep your vows in front of you and active.

1. Reread those vows every single day.
2. Once a month sit down together to review the previous month.
3. Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage

If you take little steps to keep things alive and thriving, passionate and intimate, you will not get to the point of no return, or hard work, or struggle to make things work.

You see, I contribute much of the problems with relationships to the belief that marriage takes hard work.

What if the truth is that a little attention on an ongoing basis is the best recipe for a fantastic and fabulous marriage and relationship?

What you are going to do is to continue to reinforce the dream you have for your life together.

By keeping those vows in front of you, you are actually writing a strong life operating system.

You are going to make that dream so alive that you will automatically be drawn to those things, people, opportunities, experiences and ideas that support the dream that you took time to write down as vows.

Read your vows every day. Laminate 2 copies of your vows. This way they won’t wear out.

Here are some ways to make reading your vows a habit:

* Read your vows by yourself every night before going to bed. That way you ’sleep’ on them and infuse them into your dreams.
* Read your vows by yourself every morning before going off to work. This is a great way to start your day.
* Read your vows together every night or every morning.
* If you read your vows by yourself then at least once or twice a month read them together. This opens the opportunity for meaningful conversation. Your challenges will never get away on you if you do this.

Once a month sit down and review the previous month.

If you read your vows together every day this will pretty much take care of itself. However, you might still choose to have a monthly check-in.

Choose a specific night each month and stick to it. You might have a list of questions that you answer.

Follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

You can print out a copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage on the WeddingVowsandCeremonies web site.

Post them in a place where you can see them often as an in-your-face reminder.

They are simple practical and easy to follow suggestions, such as ‘Live with appreciation for all things”–compliment each other often.

Since your personal wedding or commitment vows is the single most important tool that you have in your relationship toolbox, get them out and use them. They may literally save your marriage or partnership.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows--What the Buddha Knows That You Don't

A quote from the Buddha came across my desk today and immediately I thought about writing personal wedding and commitment vows because what I have been trying to get through to everyone who reads my articles is this: Your thinking creates your reality!

This one discovery is the basis for my innovative philosophy around writing personal and unique wedding, marriage, commitment or life vows.

Here’s how the Buddha put it: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world.”

When I ask you to sit down together and talk consciously and deliberately about the life you want to live as a married couple, I am asking you to put into words exactly what it is that you want to experience in your marriage and your world.

Then I counsel you to write your vows as the promises you make to each other describing what you are willing to do to make that dream a reality.

I ask you to talk about money and sex, children, family, careers, friends, houses, cars, travel, etc. I ask you to do that so you have to actually look at what you want in your life and create a strong intention or mental picture.

You may think you know what you want but the truth is you really don’t because you drag, carry, and bring along all your old patterns, habits and thoughts.

By sitting down together and writing your own vows after consciously building a clear and focused dream for your life and the life of your marriage or partnership, you are ‘making your world with your thoughts‘ and doing it deliberately.

Deliberately, is the word.

When you craft a vision or dream deliberately you actually paint pictures in your mind. Those pictures have color, depth, sound, smell, touch and substance. When your pictures–your thoughts–are strong enough they become a magnet!

Here’s an important fact for you: Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

Your subconscious mind is that aspect of your body/mind that acts without thinking. It just does. It takes what has been programmed by our parents, extended family, culture, personal experiences, and religion, and goes about making that true. We don’t think about it we just do it.

When you take the time to sit down together and consciously and deliberately talk about the dream you have for your life and your marriage and then write it down, you are saying to Higher Power:

“Here’s the picture, here’s what we want, now go out and find things, people, experiences and ideas that match, thank you very much!”

Then when you are exposed to what matches you have the eyes and senses to recognize it.

You are ‘living the dream.’ And you didn’t even have to work hard at it.

You just had to keep it alive and in front of you.

* Reread your vows once every day.
* Do little things for each other.
* Say ‘thank you’ to each other at least once a day.
* Say ‘I love you’ every day.
* Never go to bed angry.

Let’s paraphrase what the Buddha said:

“Everything that shows up in our lives we put there. With a strong vision and powerful vows we make a world of our choice!”

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda Bardes is known as The Wedding Vow Coach. She has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding or commitment vows. You can read about her Ebook, THE SECRET LIFE OF VOWS--How to Write Vows that Create Powerful Marriages and Partnerships, on her web site: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows--No Guts, No Glory!

Writing personal wedding or commitment vows the way I suggest that you do, by sitting down together in inspired and conscious conversation, infusing the dream you have for yourself and for your life together into the vows, may take an act of courage.

Since I ask you to look at various aspects of your life together honestly and courageously as part of the process of writing your own vows, many of you most likely will have to step out of your comfort zone.

It will take courage (guts) to look at your life as you want it to be or as you imagine it to be. That’s what I call ‘the dream.’

Courage!

Maybe more people do not take the time to get clear about their life together, about their goals and what they want out of life because they are afraid that they are not actually compatible in the long run.

* They want different things
* Their values are not in alignment (She love to travel, he wants to sit home and watch sports.)

Courage!

ou will not be able to create a substantial and strong vision, or dream for your marriage if you don’t actually sit down and talk about your life together.That’s what writing wedding vows are all about: the opportunity of a lifetime!

Courage!

I want you to sit down together in conscious and inspired conversation and talk about careers, children, sex, money, in-laws, religion and spirituality, values, houses, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.

Get your thoughts down on paper where you have to look at them.

Courage!

You HAVE to talk about what you want. You have to get a sense if in the long term you both are on the same page.

* Do you both want the same things.
* Are your values in alignment
* Are your goals compatible
* Do your lifestyles support each other

If the match is really not there you can recognize it and talk about it. You can plan on how to create that compatibility, because you can; or you may realize that sex is all that holds you together and walk away.

Courage!

No guts, no glory!!!

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows--Dogs Can Teach Us What About Marriage?

Writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows can be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity if you take the experience seriously and write your vows as though your married life depended on it. Because it very possibly could.

Since half of all first time marriages end in divorce, you’ve got to do everything you can to create an atmosphere of fun, trust, intimacy, and growth without making it hard or difficult.

Because we don’t have time to do things the ‘hard way.’

Infuse the dream you have for your life into your vows. Then write down and promise what you will do to keep those vows alive and thriving and growing.

You can use many resources to find ways to script those vows. I gave you 10 in the 10 Commandments of Marriage and here I offer you many more examples for you to build inspiration and truth from.

The source comes from a veternarian. The name didn’t come through the resource where I found it so I can’t give credit where it is due.

There is a short story behind it though. It seems that the beloved dog of a family with a young son had to be euthanized. The parents were concerned that the boy would be traumatized by the event. They tried to console the boy by telling him that they didn’t know why the dog had to die but that there was a reason and they couldn’t know what it was.

The young son already had it figured out, and announced, “I know why.”

His explanation was pure simplicity. He said: “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life—like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right? Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

The veterinarian who cared for this dear family pet, offered some other lessons that dogs can teach us:

* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Dogs treat us like celebrities when we come home. There’s nothing wrong with showing people that we care about them.
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. On warm days, there’s nothing wrong with stopping to lie on your back on the grass. I think of Richard Gere’s character in the movie Pretty Woman. He was so busy working—doing big business deals—that he never stopped to enjoy walking barefoot in green grass until Julia Roberts showed him.
* Take naps. Many of us are on overload, so in life you have to know when to throttle up and throttle down. If you can’t take a nap, at least take a break. It will improve your disposition.
* Run, romp, and play daily. If you have a chance to have fun, go for it. Life presents plenty of difficult times, and we all need a break every now and then. My motto: work hard and play hard.
* Let people touch you. Don’t be aloof. Allow people to get close to you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. Just make sure your bark isn’t as bad as your bite. It’s okay to warn people that you’re upset or even angry, but keep your temper in check.
* When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Happiness is the American way. After all, the Declaration of Independence says we are endowed “with certain unalienable rights that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” So we have a right to be happy!
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Exercise is always good. I’ve been doing it all my life. It just makes me feel better, gives me energy to work more productively and, I hope, live longer. My philosophy is: Exercise doesn’t take time; it makes time.
* Be loyal. In a recent column about loyalty, I wrote that one of the first qualities that I look for in both employees and friends is loyalty. And my friends know they can expect my loyalty in return.
* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. I’m constantly asked what the secret of success is, and persistence is at the top of the list. When you study truly successful people, you’ll see that they have made plenty of mistakes, but when they were knocked down, they kept getting up … and up … and up.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. People remember two things in life—who kicked them when they were down, and who helped them on the way up.

You might write something like this into your vows: “I promise to pay attention to what nature and animals have to teach us about love and acceptance and use what I learn.”

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Linda Bardes has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding and commitment vows. She believes that if a couple takes a little time to get very clear about the dream they have for their marriage, then write their vows as promises based on that dream, they have created the most important tool they can ever have in their marriage or relationship toolbox. See her website for more information and to get a FREE copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

Writing Wedding Vows--What Makes You Come Alive?

In my wedding vow and LifeVows one day events, I ask couples and individuals to answer three very important questions before writing their personal vows? The one I want to talk about right now is this one: “What makes you come alive?”

Too often one or the other of the couples will think that at some time an activity, career, or passion has to be abandoned.

While the premise might seem to be valid, due to circumstances, I want you to rethink that because if there is something in your life that has given you great passion and aliveness, driven your life on some gut level, and you give it up, you withdraw a spark and an energy that was a contributing element in your relationship.
And this is not good!

Let me tell you about a man I met today, which is what made me decide to write this article. His name is, well I’m not going to tell you so let’s just call him Jon. He’s from another country and played with a very well known rock band. I even looked it up on the Internet. This band is hot all over the world!

He fell in love with the American singer in the band, married her and moved to this country.

He has given up his career as a rock musician. I asked him whether or not he is going to see about finding another band. He said that now that he was married that wouldn’t work. He was going to ‘give up music.’

I suggested that there might be another way to channel that music and he replied to me that a baby was coming and then there would be no time, and no money to purchase musical ‘things.’ (You can see right there that I don’t know a whole lot about music.)

What I do know about is that as he withdraws his musical life and his passion for it, even if it is a legitimate exchange, he is going to bury, cut off, and supress a part of himself that is like breathing.

It is a chamber of his beating heart stuffed full of cotton!

His marriage and his child is going to suffer because the more he tries to hold that energy, that love, that passion in, the more he will become distant and unhappy.

So then, the message I have for you today about writing personal wedding vows is that when you ask yourself and each other the question: “What makes me (you) come alive” and you answer that, you must discuss how that will remain part of your lives.

I want you to write something like this into your vows: “I promise that I will encourage you to follow your passion; to help you find ways to integrate it into your life and the life of our marriage so that you will never lose your connection to yourself and your source.”

If you are reading this and you are already married make sure that you do not allow your partner to let go or break away from something that gives him or her great joy, passion and purpose. Everyone will lose.

You MUST find a way to ensure that whatever it is that makes each of you come alive will always be a part of your lives in some way.

It is true that it might have to shift gears and go in a different direction. My friend is probably reasoning rightly that at this time in his life his family is more important than playing with a band that travels all over the world.

That doesn’t mean that he can’t redirect that passion. If I have the occasion to talk to him again and the opportunity would come up I would say to him, “Block out at least 1-2 hours every week to engage in your music. Just put the word out into the Universe, ask your Higher Power, to help you find a way that will satisfy your passion.

Then watch for the ways that your desire will be fulfilled, because it will, if you are awake and aware.

It isn’t selfish.

Your marriage, your partnership and your family will benefit in untold ways by allowing that life force to flow free.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda Bardes is a non traditional minister with a unique and innovate philosophy about why a couple must write their own wedding or commitment vows. You can read more at her web site and on her blog. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com

Writing Wedding Vows--Keeping the 'High Watch'

Writing wedding or commitment vows is the opportunity each of you have to talk about the highest and best intentions that you can imagine for yourself and for your partner.

Your vows are the place where you promise to support yourself and your partner in becoming the highest and best each of you can be.

The first of the 10 Commandments of Marriage is Honor Yourself. The second commandment is Honor Each Other.

It may seem strange that the first commandment is about yourself. Yet if you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely.

This trust is the basis for everything else that defines your life and your marriage.

Write this in your wedding vows: “I promise to hold myself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise my values.”

When you stay ‘high’ from living out of your core values and practice doing what makes you come alive, you have more patience, more love, more compassion for everyone including your partner

Here’s a priceless quote from Marianne Williamson:

“Part of working on ourselves, in order to be ready for a profound relationship, is learning how to support another person in being the best that they can be. Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other’s lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves.”

You are meant to access the highest parts of who you are and in the process learn to see the best in your partner.

Constantly strive to expand your capacities for learning, playing, loving, trusting, praying (whatever that means to you) and playing.

The strongest relationship develops when each partner can hold the ‘high watch’ for the other.

This means that when your partner has forgotten who they are, where they are, what they are doing, or where they are going, you remember for them.

You continue to treat them as though they were still present in their fullness.

You continue to see the best in them.

You practice forgiveness!

This may not be easy to do. That’s why it’s important to keep reading your vows over and over and over again.

Every day affirm that you are awake, aware, and living your highest and greatest good.

Write this in your vows and then put it on a card in the present moment so you have to look at it every morning:

“Everyday I will remember to live my life from the highest perspective I can imagine.”

It helps you remember every day who you are, who your partner is, where you are going and how to recognize when you are off the path.

Can you see what an amazing tool writing your own wedding or commitment vows can be? They are your compass, your map, and your course correction.

Look and read them often and you will never get lost; you will be able to continue to see the best in yourself, and the best in your partner.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Linda has a unique and innovative approach to writing wedding vows and how to keep living the dream! You can read more at www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com.

Be sure to download a copy of the FREE ebook, 30 Minute Miracle. I originally wrote this for people who show up at the web site looking for help but they have only a few days or minutes to write their vows. The phrases, words, poems and other materials are helpful to everyone. www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com